365 Days of Exercise - Day 6

Walked. 20 minutes. Nothing fabulous or spectacular. Doing the deed.

But, an "acquaintance" couple of ours has been out walking as well. Wife and husband. The husband runs laps, and she walks. He runs around and around the block, making sure she doesn't get attacked, mugged, whatever. And my husband and I walk together while I mostly complain and he (bless his heart) listens. I don't complain about walking. I complain more about everything else. I'm stressed, I'm mad, I'm frustrated, I'm confused, I'm scared. Same crap he's heard a million times. It's amazing he hasn't decided to just walk and continue walking and not look back. Or push me off the curb.

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It's a rainy day out today, so I'm not sure how this whole walking thing is going to go. I suppose I could go to the gym, but we both know THAT will not happen.

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I've been stressing about a situation that could be good, or could turn sour. A... business adventure, have you. I could stand to take on a substantial amount of new clients from another business that is retiring; closing. These clients are, right now, using my services in anticipation of "another business" closing, however, they are still hoping that someone from the "another business" starts up and they are able to (why can't I think of the word you use when you... not solicit, no... you use their service -- tip of my brain, can't think, uh... patronize!!?) patronize this ex-employee's business.

Well. I'm hoping these clients stick around and continue to use my services. And I've been milling over what I can do to keep them as clients.

So I'm reading Day 7 in my daily walk book and it is talking about God's promise to Abram, and how God told him that he and Sarai would have a kid. Since it doesn't happen, like yesterday, Abram just HAS to (listen to his silly wife's idea) take matters into his own hands and goes and gets a servant girl pregnant, which didn't really go over to well in the Abram house, even though it was Sarai's lovely idea in the first place. Women.

Anyway, somewhere in reading this, I'm thinking that my hair brained ideas (not unlike Sarai and hers) for keeping clients are probably not the best ones. Some of the ideas that have crossed my mind aren't really in line with the integrity intended when I founded my business. And though I'm heavily tempted to grovel, gossip, or use other means to drum up my own business to maintain this clientele, God might just be telling me to BE PATIENT. Continue doing what I'm doing by providing my service, upholding the values in which it was founded, and see where simple and transparent honesty, kindness and a clean way of doing business leads. NOT having to feel that constant control, and if I can just do this, this AND this, things will work out peachy, and darn it if I'm not doing it my way and doing it now!!!

This sort of control goes strictly against the grain of my earthy body. But that's the point.

365 Days of Exercise Day 5

Walk. About 20 or so minutes, with hills.

365 Days of Exercise Day 4

Whelp. I did it. Day 4. Contemplated cashing in on a 10min. quickie, but did the whole thing.

20 min. walk, including a hill

How are you doing? Is there anyone out there anymore? I need some links to blogs that are actually updated.

365 Days of Exercize - Day 3

20 minute walk

Nothing fancy, same mindless route I always take when I'm down to doing business. I SO wanted to cash in on one of my 10min. sessions, but didn't. It was SUPER humid, SUPER hot, SUPER grouse. I should NOT have been sweating, but I was and profusely. I felt like I was wearing full-body armor in the sweltering desert.

But I survived.

My Worst Enemy

I now am on Twitter. Who isn't? We'll see if I use it.

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Also, I'm feeling the least motivated I have in a long time. I'm also feeling very, largely fat. And sluggish. I'm not sure what to attribute that to. Could be my period. Could just be the resolution that I am going to spiral into a 500 pound mass of skin and fat that never leaves the house unless aided by a scooter.

What happened? What is happening to me? I'm sure people look at me and see a loss of self-control, probably something dirty. I see people looking at my flabby flop of a belly, too, more than I used to now that it is hanging down like dirty laundry. I hate it. I don't like my body. I can't stand it, sometimes, feeling trapped - claustrophobic - in my pounds of fat.

But, coupled with that, I'm also feeling resigned and scared. I think I'm scared to lose weight, lose what I've become and who I am. Talk about being a bipolar mess -

Oh.

Hmm. OK.

Lightbulb moment. Yeah sure, I'm a bipolar mess, but I think I know where my balls went. They cozied up to a dastardly beast called STRESS.

I can pretty much peg my descend into having a belly that droops like baby in a sling, and a weight-gain of 20 pounds - it happened this past year. The most STRESSFUL time I've had in my entire life. Like being attacked from all sides, to the point where I think I'm lucky I only abuse alcohol instead of consider it my life-blood.

Yeah, stress. I should be incapacitated by booze or my own girth, at this point, but since I gained 20 pounds and am pressing buttons on my wardrobe, I trip it up in my mind that I have failed and that I'm one cracker away from a scooter and a nurse cleaning between my folds.

Wow. What a wussy I am, sometimes. Seriously. Instead of focusing on what I've held together, I let the light shine on how I've fallen apart.

As cliche as it is, I'm my own worst enemy. My mind and the tricks I let it play.

Ephesians 6:12

12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

I need to armor-up more, and not be defeated so easily.

365 Days of Exercize - Day 2

Ooops!!

I did it again.

And better than Brittany, though, since I didn't lose my dignity.

Went for a walk today, about 20 minutes, moderate walk. Not a "workout" but a heart-health pace.

I didn't really go over my "condition" (I like quotations, don't you? - These are all airquotes, too, for fun.) of this experiment, but bare minimum I need to do 10min. of exercise a day. And I'll only give myself a 10min. workout pass twice a week. That should do me for days where things are crazy busy or I don't feel like it. Unless I'm puking up my toenails, I should be able to manage 10min. of intentional movement.

Shouldn't we all?

By the way, before my walk I was literally (LITERALLY) half-asleep. My brain had already started to fizz out, checking out, really. My body wanted to crawl under some cool covers and say "nigh-nigh" - but I didn't let it, and I made it through Day 2. Raise the roof.

365 Days of Exercize - Day 1

Yes. This is what I've turned into. Challenging myself to 365 days of exercise. Walking, biking, treadmill, stationary bike - whatever. But managing to do it daily, every day, for one year.

Starting August 1, 2009.

In addition and accompaniment, I will also be reading through the Bible using The Daily Walk Bible(KJV)

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This isn't just vanity, or health. For me it is a discipline, something, at this point in my life, I feel like I am very much lacking.

So I suppose that means that I'm going to have to check in here every day and post. Which is fine, because I really don't have a huge gathering of folks checking me out anyway. But it will be good to hold myself accountable.

I hope that a conscious effort to move will encourage my body to shed some pounds. But I'm not sure it will. I also hope that my conscious effort to move with make me more accountable, and will be a good reminder to myself to be faithful and have discipline, something I lack. I hope that I learn a bit about myself as I use a small walk, ride, movement of my body to focus on centering myself.

We will see.