Hello, Old Friend

I know. It has been a while. Funny the world. Sadly, I have not done much blogging, not here anyway. Well, not anywhere, actually.

Fantastically, I'm right where I need to be. I've not fallen off the wagon (though I've come close). I'm not walking every day. I'll admit that. But I am still doing my daily Bible readings. So, hey. I'm here.

Lent brought on some introspection for me, as I focused on my eating and the lack of discipline I have in that area. The thoughtfulness turned me to SparkPeople, and I've been tracking my food diligently for the past few days. Denying myself abandon with something I lso dearly love and rely on is not easy. But it was good (and necessary) for me to do.

First it was just desserts. Not all sweets, just simply bakery items (cookies, cakes, bars) -- the "extra" lovies I pick up when I go for coffee or eat out. Finishing with a sweet, buttery, salty, fatty (something) is habit to a fault. I will supplement my diet simply to eat a sweet. Like, I'll want a morning bun so I'll scramble some eggs to eat with it to lower the glycemic blow. What?! Yes. Seriously.

So then that rolled into tracking my food intake, which I felt inspired to do one day - not for any reason. It hasn't been long (only 5 days), but it is an excellent way to take a snapshot of my eating behaviors, making me more conscious of what I'm doing. I like it better than paper journaling at this point because I can track so much more (calories, fats) without much work. I'm not saying it's forever, but I am saying it's for now.

I lost a pound or two. Last I remember was hovering at 295, staggering towards 300 at times, but maintaining a pretty steady 295. I weighed in on my Wii the other day and was 293. How badly I want to get down below 290 right now. How badly I want to be able to fit the clothes I wore 2 (3?) summers ago (and looked so cute in). It was only 10 pounds away. I can get there, 10 pounds. If I really tried maybe I could get there in a month?

Day by day by day. When I think it it seems so easy. But when I do it, minute by minute - it is really hard. And weight doesn't come off so easily right now. But anyway. I was just checking in. With myself, probably, 'cause there's a lot of fat people dropping like flies.

Day 122

Today is day 122 of my daily walking.

I'm still doing it. I may have missed a walk or two, but I haven't missed a daily Bible reading, and honestly, that's just more important.

I haven't lost any weight. But that's OK. Actually I think I gained a few and re-lost them. So I guess I'm back at One. Again.

I'm doing OK. Not bad, not good. The same. I got a Wii Fit, which is fun.

365 Days of Exercize... I think today is day 33

Who knows what day I'm on. If I weren't so bloody lazy, I'd figure it out. But I think it is 33, and though I've contemplated quitting, I haven't been able to muster up the will to do so.

Not quitting reading. I'm determined to read the Bible through. But walking. Every day. Some days this week, out of fatigue and sheer lack of time, I walked in place for 5 minutes, and then later did the same. It wasn't even about the act of walking, it was about obedience, and doing it, regardless. And obidience, I have to say, sometimes SUCKS.

I'm finding that this has more to do with me and God than me and my fat behind. As I go through some of the most trying times of my life, I find myself leaning on the rock that is Jesus, depsite myself.

But I'm not a wussy. As much as I'd love to say that I am, surrender, and dive into a vat of liquor and high-fat-content food and not come out. I'm more defiant than that. Satan can't suck me down without a fight. I do believe the struggles of this world are not against flesh and blood but against the powers and spiritual wickedness of the world.

365 Days of Exercise - Days 17-23

I knew I should have popped in here and logged my walks. Happy to say, though, that I have kept up. Even though I've been on vacation, I got in my daily walks, for the most part 20 minute ones. I think I only used up 1 10min walk during my blogging-absence. One night, after cocktails and munchies with friends, at 12am, I still fit in my walk. At my son's sports game - while I waited, I walked.

It is starting to be ingrained into my brain. Twenty-four days in, I would hope so.

I've also kept up on my daily Bible readings. It is a day-by day effort and right now I'm just trying to manage the bare minimums. Walking, reading.

I haven't thrown in anything about my eating. It has not been on task, either. In fact, in weighing myself today I hit over 300. No big surprise, since my pants all feel tight and I feel like a bloated calf. It is a little disturbing to me, though. Increasing my movement, while eating in the same manner as normal, actually made me GAIN WEIGHT.

It makes no sense.

I'm quite accustomed to my body making absolutely no sense at all. Seriously, I am. According to the doctor, I quite possibly also have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome--or not. Maybe I'm just a chunky-butt who has a hard time losing weight, and in aging has even a harder time?

Either way, I'm almost at the end of August and I really don't intend on finishing it out fatter than I started, while walking my butt off EVERY FREAKING DAY OF THE MONTH. If you can hear my frustration, it is because it is tangible.

Sometimes I feel like someone has a boot on my back, while I'm lying face-down in the dirt.

365 Days of Exercise - Day 16

11 minutes, walking in place
10 (or more) minutes of vicious weed-pulling gardening (intentional)

__________

Today my readings talked about the sovereignty of God, saying to reflect on the times in life when it felt like God had lost control, and to instead insert that God was completely in control and was there.

365 Days of Exercise - Day 15

Had to force my walk today.

It is amazing how much you can fall into a routine, when you do it daily. The majority of this month I've walked with my husband, my walking partner. After our late family dinners, we'd set off for a 9:00 or even 10:00 walk (sometimes later), in the dark, along quiet streets. We'd talk.

Digression, here, but generally I won't exercise at night; it keeps me up. However, our walks don't keep me up too terribly, but what they seem to do is curtail my indigestion.

With the husband working more hours, he has not been home lately for the nightly walks, which throws me off, even if it has been a routine only as of late.

With the heat, I don't enjoy or partake in a hot, steamy mid-day walk under the sun. And with the affliction of not being a morning person, I'm not an early-rising exerciser, either. I suppose I could haul over to the gym, seeing as I am paying for a membership and all, but time has not really permitted that either.

So last night, I really felt I needed to actually walk my 20 minutes and not resort to a 10 minute one. I waited until after 8pm, when the sun was going down, the bugs were vicious. And I set off on our path. With my husband on the phone. Which was actually nice. We were still able to "talk and walk" together, some of the way. I kept a good, healthy clip and felt better about getting out and pounding the pavement.

I don't think I will have lost any weight this week, however, but this first month I'm really just concentrating on the motion/movement/discipline part of intentional body-movement each and every day. Slow and steady.

365 Days of Exercise - Day 14

Today was a 10 minute day, walking in place. Busy (busy) day between work, shopping, meeting, finding out we were having a sleepover (surprise!!!), having to take young boys grocery shopping with me, feeding them pizza, keeping my sanity. You know, one of THOSE days. So, at the end of the day, I read and walked in place. At least I remembered.