Saggy Skin Is My Scar

I was visiting Escape from Obesity, as I do from time to time (I don't have time to read many blogs - I wish I could). I read a post, then read the comments. Then re-read the comments, then responded to the comments, then added an addendum to my response. Most frighteningly, to myself, I went back to read through the comments, hoping there were more.

And there were.

The comments were on the post, What Happened To Me. They are both worth a read.

I have to admit the whole saggy skin issue bothers me.
Scares me, maybe a little.

I have issues with it.

And I have some of it already.

Even though I've hovered under 300 for years now, I was over 300. Almost 340, to be exact. The loss of the 40 pounds left me with some skin on my inner thighs. It never bothers me, unless I take a hard look at it when I'm naked. I only do that when I feel like bothering myself about it.

I look at it, and I think two things. I think it looks grouse. I think it will never look good or normal. Ever, ever, ever. And then there's a little part in my head that is kind of proud of it like, dang - I've lost so much weight I've got some saggy skin.

Liken it to a battle wound, a scar, perhaps. My saggy skin is my scar. Like a soldier come home from battle, escaped with not major wounds, happy to be home, a scar the only outward sign of where he has been. My scar.

Not as romantic, surely. And, depending on how much I lose, probably not very sightly. But it's almost like a loose piece of clothing (if I let my head thing nicely about it).

My arms, saggy.

Belly, saggy.

Some of this is age and bad skin. But a great part of it is the expansion and deflation that has happened to me.

I'm really worried about my stomach. I'm worried about my face, but I'm really concerned about my tummy. See, when I run (which is rare, but happens) - it... well, it flaps. I mean, audibly.

Gosh, it's so NOT funny, and it's so NOT going to get better. And I so DON'T have the money to pay for any type of removal, either.

I hope there are girldes specifically designed for flaps. It would be disappointing to lose a bunch of weight only to be debilitated by the saggy skin.

Deflating

" I am sitting on the porcelain throne, dropping the deuce, and here to give all the fans a play by play..." -- Allan

Gotta be my favorite line from a blog in a long time. Was peeling through some archives, and couldn't help but feel the need to share that one.

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The other day we were at a family get together and I noticed my auntie-in-law had lost some weight (intentional weight loss, I have to note). I told her how fabulous she looked. "You bet your (string of obscenities) I lose weight," she said, "I lost seventy fricken pounds!!!"

I commended her again, while my head chewed on what a 70-pound loss looks like on her, also noting that I myself had lost 70 pounds. She did look good. Better. Thinner. She looked like a shrunken down version of herself. The same rolls, sags and pillows. Just... smaller rolls, sags and pillows.

Hmm.

That's what straight up weight loss does for you. Shrinks you. Doesn't tone or tighten you, it just takes the air out of the dough. That's... well, that's me. On a less obvious scale. She was maybe where I am now when she started losing weight. And I lost mine in phases of years.

But back to the whole shrinking thing. Right now that's all I'm doing. I'm shrinking myself. In the shower the other day I could feel that my body was smaller. My brain finally caught onto that, feeling my stomach, and noticing it was smaller than before. Shaving my legs, there's less surface. What a strange feeling. I'm not toning, not yet. I can't handle all that yet. One mountain at a time. But I'm thinking about it more and more, thinking I should set some kind of milestone at which I will start to tone. When I reach my goal weight?

My walks are getting longer. Instead of being satiated at 20 minutes, it now takes me about 40 to feel like I've gotten a good amount in. I enjoy my long walks, providing the weather is nice (nice meaning less than 80-degrees and shady). I struggle on the days when it is hot, especially if I have my hair blown out. But my walks are getting longer, and on my long walk the other day I started to think about the fact that I'm going to need to tone up this deflated bag at some point.

In addition to my walking, I'm adding on 3 sets of 50 situps 3 times per week. Not a whole lot, but some foundation work to get me going. My sagging tummy is my worst enemy, and there's no reason not to add that to my "todo" list along with my walking.

I'm glad to say I'm feeling those situps 2 days later, so I know I worked my tummy well.

30 more pounds and I'll have lost 100 pounds. It's not sinking in yet, though. Every goal I reach, I'm always looking for the next one. Right now I can't wait to be on the other side of 200 -meaning being under 250. I'm pretty well motivated to get there, but always wary of the obstacles that await.