I Have A Carb-Intolerance

I'm not bipolar, but I feel like it sometimes.

I'm up, I'm down.

I want to run from my husband, I want to run to my husband.

My love for my kids is constant, and bittersweet. Can't they stay babies forever?

I'm having a rough time. Clearly, right?

I'm discouraged, but it is mostly overload. Really concentrating on losing weight (for me) is work. It's all-consuming at times. It's easier on the To Do list to be 300 pounds and not care what goes in your mouth -- better yet, you can consume ENORMOUS amounts of calories and not gain weight. Brilliant! But you're stuck in a cage of fat and distain that doesn't go away.

This is time-consuming, but easier in every other way. There's no way I'm giving up or turning back. I'm just hitting my very first massive roadbump and it's name is Bonita.

Hi.

I talked with my husband about it and he didn't give me the "I love you the way you are" speech. He told me I'd come too far and I'm a New Person. He didn't give me the grace to slide back into a big ball of fat again. He gave me the confidence to move forward, and to not give up.

That's kind of a big deal that I need to marinate on for a bit. Hard to explain and put to words.

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We got a pizza. I ate it. I want SO bad to really eat it. To snarf a whole piece, bread and all.

But I didn't. I had 3 slices, and ate 1/3 of the crust of one slice.

I gave the dog some of my crust, because he loves pizza crust, and he's as sweet as sugar. I drank some wine. I took a bite of a brownie, chewed it, savored it, and spit it out. Rinsed my mouth. I wondered what kind of freak does that. Oh yeah, I do. 

I really can't eat like everyone else does. I have a carb-intolerance. I know this. Me, eating the way everyone else does, will render me a diabetic/hypoglycemic, fat, and not feeling good. That's not living - not the way I want to live.

This isn't really a "diet" on the whole. It is how it is. Yes, I'll ease up as time goes on and find my happy balance. But right now, eating under 50 net carbs a day is my life. 

Challenge Day 3 - Fatigue

Day 3:
No soda/artificially sweetened drinks Nope. Had none.

 No alcohol Check! Accomplished.

At least 20-minutes of walking each day 30 minute walk outside.

Log all calories eaten Very good. Got them all down, but fell under again. It was supposed to be my BIG 2400 calorie day and I got in 2200. I don't know why when I'm allowed to eat all that I can't/don't. Part of it is simply that I'm eating at home and have been busy and it's been exhausting trying to figure out what to eat. And I wasn't hungry. I didn't think it was important enough to stuff myself for.

Water intake of 8 8-oz. glasses per day I definitely hit my mark with the H20. I've been doing much better in that regard.

Now, onto other stuff - I've had a blah day. Not much energy, tired. Just want to sit in a recliner and watch Netflix. That's all. Nothing more.

It's been kind of a long week with my husband working long hours, trying to get everyone everywhere, put food on the table, do laundry... just life things. Maybe it's caught up to me. Or maybe I'm just having one of those days.

Normally I don't bat an eyelash if I need to run downstairs and grab something, or get up for anything. But I'm tired. I'm wondering if that has anything to do with me taking these daily walks. I mean, normally I do one long walk a week (an hour/3 miles) and then two shorter ones and maybe another one. This week I've done 2 long walks and walks inbetween. So maybe it's that "my body fighting me" thing that the doctor was talking about.

Shall be interesting to see if this cycling renders anything in the weight loss department. I'm also going out to dinner Saturday, and won't be able to track calories as well as I have this week.

I just had a lightbulb moment - I wonder if I've not been eating enough calories. I mean, I feel like I'm eating more, but I also feel like I've been scrap-mealing it all week. Yogurt, cream in tea, smoked salmon, hard boiled eggs... because I've been so diligent on tracking calories, I've been skipping having snacks and pulling in more calories (that maybe I haven't been counting). I just have that run down feeling that I've gotten before. I might need to find more nutrient-dense foods.

Everything takes time. I haven't had a salad this week because I haven't had the freaking time to make one.

In sets my frustration again. Normally I'd reach for a Lean Cuisine, but with my carb-counting, it's not even possible anymore. I will be happy when I'm in maintenance and can add some carbs back in to see where it puts me, but I'm also nervous because I just flat out don't have that reactive hypoglycemia when I'm eating this way, which is a nice bonus.

For me, the carbs are like having a gluten intolerance. I have a carb intolerance. But, like the nutritionist said, we should try to figure out what kind of carb. Maybe I can tolerate vegetable carbs, but not wheat carbs (I wouldn't doubt it - feel SO much better since cutting the wheat out). We'll see.

Right now I want to dive head first back in a bag of Russel Stover Crispy things. I should clarify that it was the small bag, with 5 pieces. Not the whole one. Also, I had so much gas it was embarrassing. Truly.

I'm Still Alive (And Now I'm On Metformin)

I know I dropped off for a few days. I hate it when people do that, but I do it myself.

Between the last time I wrote, I was put on Metformin, went on vacation, and am home again. This is kind of cryptic, but I want to document some of this.

I've been on a journey since September to do better with my health. It's taken me quite a few phone and email conversations with my doctor to squeeze out an Endocrinologist referral. Once she did, I heard nothing. A month later led me to call (10 days ago) to see what was up. My primary never followed-through properly with the referral, and it was stuck in limbo. They got me settled and I have an appointment in JUNE.

Nice. So, here I wait.

My doctor offered Metformin, even though my numbers are "decent, on the high side of normal." So I'm trying it, though there are conflicting viewpoints regarding the drug for people who get hypoglycemic.

The Metformin is to help control my blood sugar and for PCOS. The difficulty is that I am more hypoglycemic than having the high readings. I have been for as long as I can remember. So, I don't know if it will help me with that.

I found, while I was on vacation and had been taking it for a few days, that I was having more episodes of feeling weak, shaky, confused, miserable. My readings were all within normal limits though (80s, sometimes 70-something). So possibly I am sensitive to being low.

After being on the 500ER dosage, I was to go up to 1000, which I did for two days, and then got my period, felt HORRID, and went back to 500 instead. I honestly couldn't tell what was making me feel worse, my "hypoglycemia" or my period.

Hormones can wreak havoc, too.

I didn't feel so great prior to the medicine, and don't feel any better now. I'm trying to give it a bit of time, since (as my husband said), I am sensitive to every medicine I take. The first few days I felt good. The next few, not so good. I didn't have the runs like most, people, I had constipation.

So I'm on about day 10.

Instead of paying attention to my pre-meal readings (I mean, I do, but they're generally 80, give or take a little), I started to take a look at my post-meal readings (which ended up being about the same). Today I decided to look at my reading at 1 hour after eating instead of two, and it was the first time I saw it higher (114).

I crash a lot. I bottom out a lot, but I don't know where I start, or when it starts. I would guess maybe an hour or less after I eat. This will be good to know when talking to the doctor. I would think the Metformin would help it from spiking, and not make the lows feel so low (in time). I hope. I'm tired of feeling crappy and fighting so hard to lose a pound.

We shall see.

I Really DO Need A New Scale

I know I've said before that I weight myself on Mondays and Wednesdays. I'd really like to just do official Wednesday Weigh-ins, but haven't brought myself to that yet. I like Wednesday because it is away from the weekend. But Monday is so engrained in me that I can't sway from it yet.

So Monday I weigh in and I'm 267, right?

Then today I weigh in and I'm 264.

This is all on that wretched, wretched Wii that's missing a castor.

Now, I've been using it castor-less for a good month, so who knows.

I need to buy a scale. I'm going to the store in a bit. I'll check for one, though I really hate scales, which is why I think it has taken me so long to just bite the bullet and do it.

I'm going to try not to worry too much about what that scale says, but it scares me a bit.

If it is off, it is off. I just hope it's not too much off.

Either way, I can look at my last year's doctor visit and see that I was 291 pounds there. I'll take where I am today and rejoice in it and try not to get too terribly caught up in the details.

If my weight barrier is broken, that's great. I would attribut it to NOT over-working myself, trying to get some sleep, and upping my fruit and veggie intake, as well as my movement during the day. I want to make sure I note that, if the case turns out to be that I actually am losing some weight, or have broken past this horrific wall I've been facing.

I haven't gone to the gym in a week. I've avoided it. But I haven't avoided exercise. I did my Walk Away the Pounds (1-mile) with my 3# weights. Not a big deal, but not nothing. I went for a walk. Twice. I shoveled snow. I did an online low-intensity workout. I'm moving. I'm working muscles. I'm just not doing it at the gym. I figure if I get it done, I get it done.

I'm also intentionally moving around during the day, reminding myself to get up during work. I'm trying. I am. And I went out and bought a bunch of fruit to eat. I notice my fruit/veggie quota isn't being met as it should be.

Additionally, I picked up a glucose monitor to check my blood sugars. It's more from my insisting than from my doctor's, though it amazes me that when I pushed for it, it seemed like a great idea. What is the medical world coming to? Really? Not everyone advocates for themselves. I mean, who demands glucose meters?

I got one and so far nothing too shocking. Last night after my wine it was 87 (or 84, I don't remember). My concern is hypoglycemia and the fact that I get shaky, sweaty, etc. at times. Now that I'm more comfortable with the meter, I'm going to journal it a bit. It will take more of my time, but so would diabetes or other health concerns. I just have to do it. This way I'll have something to present to my doctor, or whomever, about what's going on with me health-wise. Just to say "I'm shaky, clammy, and don't feel good," without having numbers to support it isn't working. I'm curious myself, I must admit.

They told me I'm on the higher end of normal and not pre-diabetic. But then in my visit summary notes it says, "Pre-Diabetic." It makes no sense whatsoever.