Three Thousand Calories

Not too good:

That was yesterday. My weekend was a "fail" if I was supposed to track calories, eat with in my range. You know, those things.

Loss delayed gain.

I have to look at what was working for me in the past, and I had been doing that challenge when I was down to 249. I'll have to reel that back in again.

No soda/artificially sweetened drinks 

No alcohol 

At least 20-minutes of walking each day 

Log all calories eaten 

Water intake of 8 8-oz. glasses per day

If I remember correctly I was carb cycling during this challenge. My difficulty seems to come in on weekends. I do hard work all week, then weekends set in and with everything going on around here, I am not paying the attention I should. I don't fly off the handle, but I do drink too much and eat too much (even if I'm eating the "right" things).

Every day is a new day!

Maintaining... Better Than Gaining

My last quick entry was regarding my (not-on-purpose) maintenance.

The next day (after weighing 251), I weighed 253.

Jease. I can't win with the scale.

I'm also trying not to get too caught up in it, but I also have to keep an eye on it. As I said in my comments, I've lost the same 30 pounds three times now over the past how many years. If I could have just maintained those thirty pounds, I would have lost 90, and would be at 180 right now.

If I maintain this loss for a year, and then lose another 30, I'll be at 220. If I can maintain this loss and lose another 30 after that... 190.

I must remember this. I don't need to go back! Even though my body would just love that.

Maybe "stalling out" at a weight is good anyway. Resetting your body at a new normal for a substantial amount of time. Who knows? This whole weight loss thing boggles my mind, but I do know that my new normal was 290 for a while. I never went back up to 238 again, but I would go back to 290. If I never go back to 290, I'll be happy as heck.

Not saying I don't want to lose. I do, I do, I do. SO bad. But even more than losing, I do not want to gain.

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I' not sure if I'll have any cocktails this weekend or not. I know I talked about going cocktail-less through the weekend. We'll see. I've had a good week, though, and I feel good about it. Not a whole lot going on this weekend anyway. We're still trying to figure out what we want to do.

256

I've stepped on the scale before and it said 256, but not on a weigh-in day.

I've lost EIGHTY POUNDS. One of my kids weighs 88 pounds. I've finally lost some of my baby weight - har har, har, har, har.

I didn't expect it today. OK, I kinda did. But we were away for the weekend with friends, and that's always a gamble.

Although, in retrospect, I didn't go on a bender, or do anything I shouldn't have. I stuck to the plan.

I drank almost an entire bottle of wine. That would have been a downfall.
And... a martini.
We ate out.
We were busy.
I didn't track my calories.

But other than all that, I planned well, ate well.

There were plenty of goodies I could have eaten, but I skipped them. I had strawberries, egg muffins, cheese muffins, pistachios, my tea... it worked out. And strangely, I didn't care about the food so much. Being able to open my suitcase and grab clothes that felt good on my body was way over the top hands down a better feeling than stuffing a sweet, gooey cupcake in my mouth.

The way I felt in my clothes lasted all day and into the night, and a cupcake doesn't last that long. An orgasm doesn't even last that long. 

I Made It Through The Weekend - 281

Well, I made it.

We had a wonderful time. It was nice to get away.

I can't say I threw all caution to the wind and ate what I wanted, but I can't say I suffered much in the food department, either. The first day I tried to keep track of what I was eating, but then realized it was fruitless, and I'd have to give it up. I also realized I'm married to the internet when it comes to tracking my food. Because I use SparkPeople, if I'm out the internet, I'm out my valuable tool. Sure I could track on paper if need be, but I wouldn't know my tally.

I didn't like that feeling. I'm going to chew on that a bit. I don't want my success in something to be based off of that. But, diabetics need to monitor their bloodsugar via a device, I may need to keep journaling and counting calories. I won't get hung up on it right now.

The good news is I remained stable over the weekend. Though it seems like I had a 1 pound loss, I really was 281 before the weekend.  So I maintained, even though I went over Friday and Saturday, but I enjoyed myself and didn't worry about my calories. I paid attention to what I was eating, though.

For example, we stopped off at a cheese factory. They had all kinds of cheese, some wine to taste, and ice cream. I saw the ice cream, wasn't really craving it, but wanted to try either the cinnamon or the pumpkin. I chose pumpkin. I didn't want to go to a two-scoop cone. I chose the traditional cone over the waffle (compromising all the way).

When I took my first lick, I was taken aback. The taste fell short. I licked some more, hoping my mouth would adjust favorably. I offered a taste to my husband. I told him to take a big bite so I could get to the cone. It never got better. I asked myself, Why are you eating a cone that you don't like?

I didn't want to waste the money?
I wanted something out of habit?
Both.

I threw it out the window. The price of a wasted cone, at that moment, was worth the few hundred calories I didn't consume. If I wasn't enjoying them - why eat them?

Usually when I give up sweets for any length of time, they don't taste as good to me when I have them. I still crave them and want the flavor on my tongue, but it's not the same. Maybe like giving up smoking. I don't know, I haven't tried again since I quit. But we had cake over the weekend, and a tiny sliver satisfied me. We picked up donuts, and I preferred to snack on my homemade granola instead.

I didn't make progress, but I didn't fall behind. I can settle on that. I made compromises and enjoyed myself. I took two long walks. Now, had it been a week-long trip, I don't know. But a couple days I managed. I immediately got back on track on Sunday.

This week I see Halloween as a day I might splurge, so I need to remind myself to be good and careful the rest of the days.

Happy Monday - have a fantastic week!

Weekend Weight Gain

I passed a goal (below 285)!
Weigh in today: 282
HOORAY!

I noticed that I have down as a "major goal" to be 260 or below by the end of December, 2012.
Um.. I don't know. I mean, I can try. I think. That's not a good attitude.  But I don't know if my weight loss will continue to decline as much as it is right now for long. We will see.

I need to believe I can do it and believe it is possible for me to have any chance of getting there. There's a possibility that I don't really believe it and I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop on this experiment of mine. For my patience to wane. For Thanksgiving and Christmas to look at me and say, eat.

I will never understand the psychology of a food addict.
I mean, if I could bottle up whatever it is that will set me on a path of good eating and healthy choices, and whip that bottle out whenever it is lacking - I'd be set.

I'd be cured.

It makes no sense to me how I can, at one period, be unable to stay within a calorie range or find time to take care of myself - and then at another time be able to do all that.

I guess I won't question it too much, and I'll just pray that it sticks around a while.
I actually had a fabulous weekend and didn't gain a pound.
I feel like I indulged.
I don't feel deprived.
I do feel like I made choices.

For example: prior to my girl's get together I mowed down on a HUGE bowl of lettuce. I didn't want to go there hungry. When I got to the gathering, I ate some brie and crackers. Not as much as I would have normally eaten, but I tasted and didn't feel left out. I ate the salad, I drank wine. I opted to drink the wine over eating food. I had a bite of a cookie for dessert, rather than the entire thing.

Thankfully the menu was simple. There weren't a ton of delicious treats I had to turn down. Again, I drank my calories that night.

The next day I got up and made a nice breakfast for the family, but had my regular toast and egg. I didn't feel deprived, really. I felt good that the choice I was making might help me fit back into the clothes I purchased a couple years ago.

I went on a nice, long walk. Burned up a bunch of calories I ingested the day before, and sweated out some of that wine.

I tracked everything I ate, good or bad. And I lost a pound over the weekend.

Weighing In Before The Weekend

I weighed myself today. It's not some horrific sin, but I couldn't help myself. Realistically I try to weigh in every Monday morning. Sometimes I dread it (well generally I dread it) after a weekend where I feel I overindulged. For some sick reason I thought it would be a good idea to weigh in today.

283

That's three pounds down.

I was almost brought to my knees in gratitude. Thank God for small blessings, eh? My body was cooperating?! Crazy. That's 3 pounds down this week. That's 3 pounds away from dipping under 280. Wow, wow, and WOW.

But hold the phone, because here comes the weekend. Tonight is wine and dinner with the girls, tomorrow is pizza night with the family - and a grillout, and Sunday we have a family celebration.

It ALL revolves around food.

I can do this, though. I can. I've done it before. I didn't duck out of engagements because of the food. Well, maybe sometimes. I actually considered brining my own lunch to the grillout tomorrow. It might be corny, but this is a matter of survival. If I were an alcoholic and I were going to a "alcoholic drinks only" party - I might just bring my own soda. Maybe I have to stop caring what someone else would say, since I'm the one in battle.

Or maybe I eat sensibly. Or try to. Small portions, stick to familiar foods.

What a decision to have. I can think of worse ones. It makes me wonder if weighing in before the weekend was a good idea, though. If I hop back on Monday and it tells me 285, I will be bummed (crushed).

It's done, though. I'll use it to motivate me not to have to read a higher weight on Monday.

Answering a question from the comments:

elenamary said... what are you goals with water? how did you come to set your water goal? any suggestions?

I aim for 8 8oz. glasses of water a day (the common standard). No real reasoning, but that seems to be a happy medium, so I use that number as a marker.  I also use the amount of times I go to the bathroom (color of urine, etc.) as a guide. It's important enough to me to pay attention tot that. If I'm having wine or alcohol, I want to increase the water intake, or keep up glass to glass with water/wine.

There are days where I will be making dinner and realize I hadn't gone to the bathroom or drank anything besides my morning coffee or a soda. That's not good. I get headaches from not drinking enough water. That's not good. My problem is, unless it is right in front of me - I forget. I don't like to stand by the sink and chug water. The visual of the tap doesn't help me. BUT, the visual of a clear water bottle does.

Usually I take my travel water bottle wherever I go. It helps me remember and saves money. I take it to work every day. One day I forgot it and purchased a disposable water bottle with a drink spout. I noticed I drank it all easily without even thinking about it. If I'm drinking from a straw, I'm likely to drink more, too. So I purchased one of those clear tumblers with a straw and can't believe how much more helpful it has been (to me) for getting my water in. I've been drinking at minimum 3 cups full a day (60oz), and that's not including the water with meals. That's much better than I was doing before.

Everyone's different, but for me the visual of my cup, the ease of drinking and portability (I set it by the computer if I'm working, in the kitchen when I'm cooking, livingroom if we're watching a movie). This has worked wonders for me. I know some people use very large water bottles and mark each 8oz on it, and use that as a guide/goal.