represents 1 pound gone)
My last post was 3.5 years ago. A lot has happened since that, but a lot has stayed the same, too. Actually in the weight category it's mostly stayed the same.
I was riding around barking on 300's door for quite some time, hanging in around 297. It was frustrating. I'm not saying I didn't have any part in it. I was maintaining by just allowing myself the grace not to pay attention to my health through nourishing foods. I don't eat junk food, but even good foods can keep weight on.
At any rate, I somehow pulled the reigns a bit and logged food, etc. and got myself in a better direction. I also started the bariatric program at our local hospital. End goal: Weight Loss Surgery.
It's always been at the back of my mind, honestly, but I never wanted to go to that "extreme." Besides, I couldn't afford it, and our insurance did not cover it, so it wasn't really even worth thinking about, so I also convinced myself not to even think about it.
But now it is a choice. Everyone calls it a TOOL just like anything else (trackers, programs, diets). It's no miracle, you have to work with it or it won't work. Unless you're one of the "lucky" ones that ends up basically starving to death and can't consume foods like a normal human anymore. Believe me I've read about those. The good stories outweigh the bad. But the bad sit heavy on the brain.
I'm not going to talk too much about all of that, but just to say that I'm in the running for it, and looking to get approved after my last session in February.
Then... who knows. With Covid, who knows how long it would take to get in. I'm not entirely sure. But sometime this spring could be my time.
Some days I'm so excited I just want to have the surgery, already! And other times I'm like, girl you are not getting this surgery who are you kidding?
Today I'm somewhere in the middle of that, but I'm also working on completing the things I need to to have it be an option. I just need them to "pass" me and my insurance to approve it. Then we're a "go."
But I also need to decide between the Sleeve (VSG) or Bypass (RNY). Everyone has their own reasons for their choice, and googling will tell you some ways to narrow it down. But it's a weird thing for a surgeon to let you decide. So I need to talk to mine about that.
I was totally for VSG when I started all of this. Less tinkering with the toolbox, I guess. But as I read on, I wonder if "going all the way" might be the best option. I'm not yet 50, and I hope I have a good 25+ years of health and mobility left in me. I don't want to be in the hospital for all kinds of issues related to this surgery.
In fact, I've never had surgery. Well, C-section. But that's it.
The whole thing is weird to me if I think on it too much. And, though I know it would be the fight of my life (since I've been fat and battling the foodieinme forever.
But I remember saying that it would be wonderful to wake up at a healthy weight and just have to maintain it. Not that it would be easy, but goodness it would be wonderful. This is kinda sorta like that, but you get a jump start before surgery, a baptism-by-fire while recovering, and then you have the job of using what you've learned to maintain it.
I like to write so you might see more posts of me writing about this. Mostly it's just me getting my own words out. But I've been helped tremendously from others who have journaled (videos, writing, etc.) so maybe this will do the same for others. I may or may not leave my old stuff published, I don't know. OR I'll make a fresh start.
