I'm Still Alive (And Now I'm On Metformin)

I know I dropped off for a few days. I hate it when people do that, but I do it myself.

Between the last time I wrote, I was put on Metformin, went on vacation, and am home again. This is kind of cryptic, but I want to document some of this.

I've been on a journey since September to do better with my health. It's taken me quite a few phone and email conversations with my doctor to squeeze out an Endocrinologist referral. Once she did, I heard nothing. A month later led me to call (10 days ago) to see what was up. My primary never followed-through properly with the referral, and it was stuck in limbo. They got me settled and I have an appointment in JUNE.

Nice. So, here I wait.

My doctor offered Metformin, even though my numbers are "decent, on the high side of normal." So I'm trying it, though there are conflicting viewpoints regarding the drug for people who get hypoglycemic.

The Metformin is to help control my blood sugar and for PCOS. The difficulty is that I am more hypoglycemic than having the high readings. I have been for as long as I can remember. So, I don't know if it will help me with that.

I found, while I was on vacation and had been taking it for a few days, that I was having more episodes of feeling weak, shaky, confused, miserable. My readings were all within normal limits though (80s, sometimes 70-something). So possibly I am sensitive to being low.

After being on the 500ER dosage, I was to go up to 1000, which I did for two days, and then got my period, felt HORRID, and went back to 500 instead. I honestly couldn't tell what was making me feel worse, my "hypoglycemia" or my period.

Hormones can wreak havoc, too.

I didn't feel so great prior to the medicine, and don't feel any better now. I'm trying to give it a bit of time, since (as my husband said), I am sensitive to every medicine I take. The first few days I felt good. The next few, not so good. I didn't have the runs like most, people, I had constipation.

So I'm on about day 10.

Instead of paying attention to my pre-meal readings (I mean, I do, but they're generally 80, give or take a little), I started to take a look at my post-meal readings (which ended up being about the same). Today I decided to look at my reading at 1 hour after eating instead of two, and it was the first time I saw it higher (114).

I crash a lot. I bottom out a lot, but I don't know where I start, or when it starts. I would guess maybe an hour or less after I eat. This will be good to know when talking to the doctor. I would think the Metformin would help it from spiking, and not make the lows feel so low (in time). I hope. I'm tired of feeling crappy and fighting so hard to lose a pound.

We shall see.

Weigh In (ARGH)


It's not funny, but it kind of is.

I mean, last week I'm writing about my MILESTONE, and then I'm two pounds heavier the next week. I have to admit, I was pretty discouraged when I stepped on the scale on Monday and saw that number. I told myself I had until Wednesday.

I went over the past week and ran reports to try and see where I might have failed.

Literally, none of it.

I compared three months (September - December) of last year when I was dropping pounds, and then these past few months, and the only slight differences I can see are:

1.) Less activity (I didn't work out as much/at all)
2.) Possibly less carb intake

The rest looks pretty much the same, even the calories. The main difference was that I wasn't expending as much caloric energy, and I wasn't eating as many carbs.

September - December: Lost 14 pounds
January - March: Lost 7


I truly do NOT understand my body at all. It frustrates me. I consistently do worse when I intentionally exercise more it seems. OR, when I work out more, I eat more carbs, and it is counter-productive.

Either way, I'm going to try to NOT get all bound up in the concerns that the scale presents. I can't let that deter me. Mentally, I could, but I'm going to beat that down mentally. Here are my thoughts:


So I went on a speil about carbs and how I was going to drop lower on them because it seemed to help. Well, I've spent the last HOUR OF MY LIFE going over graphs and honestly so I've updated/erased that and need to let things sit - I can't find anything. No correlation to anything. I just dropped weight. My graphs don't show anything significant, from what I can see. Not in the fat, carbs, or calories.

I find myself very frustrated. Basically I lose weight, get to a certain point, and BOOM.

We'll see what the next week brings.

Weigh In: 265 (MILESTONE)


Woohoo! Can you believe it? I couldn't. Last Friday I stepped on the scale and it said 265, and I knew that there was a chance I'd blow it over the weekend. I also knew that it was motivation for me not to blow it to see that number on the scale, and to try to hold it for my next weigh in.

This new scale has been an interesting adventure so far. I can see my weight fluctuate through the day and week, and it is a challenge to keep my head through it. But, I can also weigh in in my bra and underwear, which I much prefer.

I was 265.0 on the nose! More than anything I am relieved. But I also know that this is where my challenge really begins. 

Since I've been all the way down to 266 (twice), this 265 is a new beginning for me. Sure it is just one pound, but it is an important pound. It puts me on the other side, a new marker, in my journey.

I went in my SparkPeople logs and put it all the way back to 2009. Most times I started at 292/293. I made it down to 266 two times. This is the third one, and the only time I've broken the barrier. The scary part is after I would hit 266, I would steadily creep back up. The first time it was to 277, and then back down to 266 in 2011. It looks like since April of 2011, though, I haven't been able to get back down here for almost two years. 

I lost, regained some, lost, and then crept back up and leveled out for a couple years.

I really (really) REALLY want this to be THE one. The time it doesn't go back up. The time it falls, and I get closer to my goal. I believe it can happen. As frustrating as it is for me, and has hard as it is for me, God willing, I want to do this. I don't want to see those weights ever again.

I told myself that I would "out" myself once I reached this weight, but I can't. I need to wait until I get below 260 and then I will say something to my friends on Facebook or whatever. It's part of the process for me. I have difficulty announcing achievements publicly because I feel boastful, like I'm bragging. But I overlook the inspiration that it gives other people, and the accountability it holds (me) to. 

I need to prove to myself that I'm not going to quit now. That I'm going to push on, stay tough, and continue from here. I haven't proven that to myself just quite yet. The fact that I've broken a barrier and pushed past that 266 is a start. A very good start.

I've not yet been back to the gym. I've been eating decently, moving a lot more, and doing workout videos (as well as walking and getting fresh air). 

There Is More Than One Way To Exercise

There's a couple of things that have been going around in my head:

1.) Why more people haven't noticed that I've lost weight.
I realized yesterday that part of the reason people may have not noticed (I say "part" because see #2) is that I've been at this weight before. Been here. People noticed then, and got used to it. Then when I crept back up, went back down - same thing. So some people have made comments on me losing weight, but really I've just been getting to where I was. Makes sense. I was still wearing all the same clothes, they were just incredibly uncomfortable on me.

2.) My clothes do not fit as nicely as they did last time I was at this weight.
Specifically my pants. I think my pants were looser. I'm cursing myself for not taking measurements, but I truly feel like my belly parts are bigger than they were last time I was at this weight. I had pants that I could put on that I can not right now. So either some of my fat has migrated, OR I have a huge tumor brewing in my midsection. The hypochondriac in me leans to the second option, but realistically, I'm starting to get the midsection bulge that people get around my age. Sigh. It's frustrating. But it is also motivation to continue to lose more until I DO feel my pants sliding off my behind!

3.) There's more than one way to exercise.
This one is SUPER important to me. Like I said in another post - I'm not much of a gym person. But during the winter months (or hot summer months), it's sometimes hard to get outside. So I do my Walk Away the Pounds, or other similar workouts, in the house. I haven't been at the gym in a couple weeks. I don't really miss it. I like the equipment, but I don't like the extra time I need to carve out to go there, and the extra preparing I have to do. I like to wear my pajamas to workout at home. Less laundry. I workout in my socks. I hate shoes.

Yesterday I took my son to a lunch buffet. I ate reasonably, but not being able to accurately count the calories made me nervous. I needed to do a workout. But I also had other things I needed to do. I feel resentful (weird, I know), sometimes at the time it takes to keep oneself healthy. I reminded myself that good, hard, work is a natural, productive way to get some exercise in. That's what I decided to employ.

I rearranged my living room. I scrubbed walls, vacuumed carpets, tossed away junk, moved furniture. If I gave my home and hour of HARD WORK a couple times a week, I think I'd be happier in my home. I'd get things done. Not all workouts have to be in the gym (especially for those of us who don't like to go there). Simply being active around the home is good, too. Intentional movement. I worked up a sweat, used muscles, and got things done. Love it.

The few weeks that I made the gym a priority, my house went to shambles. I am going to remind myself to mix it up a bit and use the sidewalks for my walks, use my videos, use the gym if I want, but also use the simple things God put in front of us to keep our body healthy: work.

Twice this week I shoveled for a workout. Not only my sidewalk, but my neighbor's. It felt good.

My body likes intentional, productive work and play. My mind and spirit seem to, too. Sometimes I like a good workout in the gym, too. But it really did my spirit well to put time into my house. For me, that worked.


Well. It is now official.


One more pound and I will hit the lowest I've weighed outside of this decade. I've been at 266 before. It is a milestone to get back here. Almost like starting over again. I've lost, gained, lost, gained, and lost again.

I don't feel as good as I did last time I lost it, probably because last time it was new.

But I remember the kind of "awe" I was in with my new body. Having been there and left there two times now, it isn't as much of a state of awe as it is me feeling like myself again.

I want that state of awe again. I want to lose another 20 pounds and be like, what-the-what!? all over again. I'm SO happy to be here, don't get me wrong. But here feels like the new normal. Here feels like another starting point. Here is where I wanted to be up until I got here and it is no longer a destination but another launching mechanism.

Here is half-way to goal. I've come back down the mountain and need to climb the next one. I bet it will be harder. My body is back at ground zero, thinking it has already fought the good fight and can ease into maintenance. So I guess I need to shock it again somehow to get past this rut.

 My progress has been slow, starting February at 268 and March at 266. But it's better than going the other way. I have to always remind myself of that. But I wanted to leave March under 260. I just don't think that is feasible with the way I lose weight (slow as honey).

Well anyway, I'm off for now. Too much to do.. Happy Wednesday!

Weigh In Postponed

First things first: I bought a scale.

It is the Health O Meter BFM145. It wasn't a huge decision-making process like I thought it would be. I needed a scale, I was going to Walmart, I did a little investigating online. When I got there, I looked at the dozen scales they offered and I settled on this one.

I didn't use the bells and whistles it comes with (weight tracking, body fat, body hydration). I just wanted a scale.

Surprisingly, my weight was 266 when I stepped on (in bra and underwear). That was one the same as the Wii. Relief.

That was last week. That was BP (Before Period). Right now my scale says 269/270 and I refuse to accept that. Sorry. So I'll weigh in again on Wednesday and hope that the bloat that found me is gone.

I'm frustrated, but not deterred. I've been doing OK, I've been getting exercising in. I'm going to try not to think on it too much and end up spiraling.