It's been a difficult week.


That is the operative word. And my comfort remedy is generally food, booze or shopping. I'm not one who turns to healthy means to comfort myself. I admit it.

We have no money, so shopping is out of the question. Although I've window shopped in nearly every thrift store within a ten-mile radius. I just haven't purchased anything. Well, I did pick up a 25 cent cookbook. Whoopie.

I haven't drank much because my calories don't allow, and only to add to the mix, I have stomach problems (aggravated by the stress, which alcohol and caffeine only make the tummy worse...). My doctor gave me Xanax for when my anxiety is through the roof (which has been daily), but I'm partially too chicken to take it because I fear being addicted. She also gave me a script for Zoloft, which I'm also not wanting to take (I don't want the side-effects, withdrawl and I don't want to give up having a glass of wine or beer sometimes).

So God's really working me, eh? My load is heavy, my family stress is through the roof (dealing with an adult child who has real "issues"). All of my cooping mechanisms are are basically gone right now. I have to figure out how I'm going to work though all of this. So far, it appears the same way I've limped through the last 18 months of my life - day by miserable day, grasping onto what is good. It hasn't been easy.

I don't really have any friends, not the kind that you immediately call when life is stressful, and get instant relief in the sound of their voice. No. Seriously, all of my friends have their own baggage. So it's almost a chore to call them; because I'm a "good listener" I end up sitting on the phone listening to them babble on about their husbands, kids, work and messy houses. It doesn't help. It really doesn't. My mom is wrapped up in the same stuff that is going on with my daughter (and she also has one foot in the river called DeNial), so that's not helpful. My husband is my husband. I love him, but there's strain there too. I end up resenting him because I carry the burdens of stress (mostly worrying about the finances).

I feel like I've nowhere to go and the walls are caving in on me. I wish I could eat it away, but not having my clothes fit would only add to my state of misery. I know this. I guess that's a step in the right direction.

So I type it out in my fatblog. Great. Lucky you. Lucky world.

I'm going to go take it on. Enjoy yours.


Nona said...

I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time. :( When life goes wrong it is hard so hard to endure. Maybe your doctor is right in giving you something to help you through. Think about it this way, if it were cancer you wouldn't decline radiation treatment because your hair might fall out, so maybe you shouldn't turn down taking something that may offer you relief and improved ability to cope because of possible side effects. Then again I guess that depends on what the side effects are.

In either case I send warm and lovig vibes across the universe to you.

Anonymous said...

As a fellow "good listener" I totally get it. Blog it out, girlfriend!

Allan said...

Email me..I will listen...

Bonita Gordita said...

You guys are dear. Thank you for offering support, I do appreciate it. You rock.

Anavar said...

What about friends on the internet? When I'm down, I talk with my internet buddies and completely forget about my problems. I can talk to them for hours and made me feel so much better, even I never saw any of them.