Down Day

I don't know if I'm sick, or fighting something, but I've been off for days. Feeling like I'm dragging, tired... just worn out. Still haven't presented with a full-blown cold, like my husband, which makes me think my body is fighting it off. I have had sinus headaches for a good 5-7 days now. Advil has been my friend.

I did not do a good job of tracking --or eating-- from Friday on. I wouldn't say I went buckwild, but I was clearly not into tracking my calories or thinking much about it.

Not good. But, I think it was just mental fatigue, and physical. Like I said - I've been so tired.


One of the local gyms was advertising low rates for membership... and I joined. I haven't gone yet, but I joined under the good rates after missing out on the last time they offered it. I was thinking I might go today, but haven't been able to scrounge up the energy. I'm just worn out.

I kind of regret signing up, at the same time. I'd love a treadmill in my own home, in privacy, where I could work on getting into some running. I really, truly, honestly, don't know if I have the balls to try that right now in front of other people. Maybe that will change, or come with time. My thinkin' has been stinkin' lately.

I think there's an inner fear of what I'm doing and where I'm going with this weight loss (again). I know the average Joe might read this and think I am insane, but for me there's more to my weight issues that strait up ignorance of my food consumption. I'm more than aware of what I eat, and how I don't move my body, and why that reveals itself on the scale. Got it.

This mental stuff is a killer, though, and it creeps up when least expected. So I have to bat it down. I'm not thinking of doing another "free" day, and I'm not really craving food even, it's more of a want to just curl up under sheets and sleep for days. To not think, not worry. To be relieved of some of the stress I carry around all the time.

Right now I'm going to make a choice to enjoy the quiet of my house, the comfort of my sweats and doggy. The kids aren't due home for two and a half hours and there's no reason why I need to spend that in a funk.

I will weigh in on Wednesday.


Lori said...

I do not have the guts to go to a gym. I know it would be a total waste of money.

For me, half this battle (or more) is in the mind. Once I get my head on straight, everything else seems to fall in to place. You'll get there.

Bonita Gordita said...

Thanks Lori. One step forward, two steps back. :/