I haven't posted in a while, but I don't think anyone's noticed. It's been so quiet lately.
I've been hanging in there "maintaining" within 5 pounds. But I feel fatter, and less happy in my clothing. Maybe that's a good thing. I'm hoping that I can continue to lose some weight over the next few months. Twenty pounds and I would feel so much better in my clothes, my skin, I think.
But I'm definitely concerned because I have not been able to break the 250s (I'm 255 right now). I can't imagine dropping my calories lower right now, either. We'll see.
Again, I'm hoping my body has reset itself at 250 (instead of 290), and that I can break this number soon.
Beyond my weight, I've been enjoying myself, going to the kid's games, out at social events. I love fall, the colors, the changes... but I'm a bit sentimental at how quickly things are changing, the kids are growing up. It's brought out a lot of emotions in me.
I got the job, well one of the jobs. It is a change from part time to full time. I'm nervous at that. It will take up more of my life. I'm not so much a "career person" but more of a homemaker who likes to have a small job on the side. This will change things. However, the job I am taking is in a field that I've wanted to break into for the past 5 years and haven't been able to. So, as much as there are some discomforts about it, it could be a launching pad for me.
Exciting, nervous, sad.
I'm mourning my time that I have. Right now I have days off when the kids are in school and I'm at home. I get a lot done on those days, cooking, meal-planning. That's all going to go away. Right now I'm home when they get home from school. That will all go away too. For the first time in my life my husband will get home before me. I'm abnormally envious of that.
I question if I'm giving up too much, chasing something that isn't for me. But I also know we need the money.
So there's lots of feeling surrounding it. My excitement at leaving the job I'm at now --where I love the people but hate the system-- almost trumps my fears and concerns about what I'm taking on.