The Things I Am

This has been another year of "getting by" for me.  More of me holding my life together, than me focusing on my own health.  I'm not sure if that will change or continue come 2017.

In a staff lunch we were talking about taking care of self.  It was our department, about seven of us, all in similar jobs.  We're all stressed out (some of us more than others).  We talked about how SELFISH you have to be if you want to take care of yourself.  It's easier when you don't have kids to look after.  It's easier if you don't have a spouse.  It's easiest if you only have to take care of YOURSELF.

I was doing that a few years ago, successfully.  I lost a significant amount of weight and felt better in my own skin.  I definitely struggled, but I was on a good path.

I no longer feel that way.  I drink almost every day (mostly from stress, and needing to "come down" from the day).  I feel unhappy in my relationship, and dedicate NO time to fixing that.  I feel time is slipping away with my kids (they are all almost adults now, and I feel like there's been so much wasted time).

As much as I love how far I've gotten in my "career" in the past few years, I'm not really happy with where I am in my life outside of that.  I've met new people, learned new things, accomplished goals (the job I'm in now is the job I couldn't even get an interview for a few years ago).  But, I wouldn't say I'm happier.  I have more knowledge.  As much as I love-hate my position, it's not who I am.  I've sort of lost myself in all of this.

The Things I am
I'm a mother.
I'm a crafter.
I'm spontaneous.
I'm a reader.
I'm a caregiver.
I'm a church-goer.
I'm a camper.
I'm a singer.
I'm a homemaker.
I'm a cook.
I'm a writer.
I'm a wife.
I'm a sister.
I'm a daughter.
I'm an animal-lover.
I'm a gardener.
I'm a photographer.
I'm a friend.

I'm literally none of those things anymore.  I am that person in tiny increments, sometimes.
I'm too consumed by my M-F, 9-5 job.
I only have so much to give, and I give most of it when I'm at my job.
Then I come home tired, angry, frustrated, and burnt out.

I know I'd be unhappy letting my job go.  I know it.

So, as much as this is the year to better myself, enjoy my family, and get back to my own roots... this is the year that I also quit my dream job and find one that accommodates my life, rather than having my life accommodate my job.  I want to travel.  I want to be healthier.  I want to explore more of the things I enjoyed before I threw myself into this crazy ring of work-work-work.

None of the Things I Am can be replaced by someone else.
But my position at work will have a replacement within two weeks, if I quit.


elena mary said...

aye mi gordibuena,
your I am list is wonderful, you are also wonderful and deserving of so much happiness. i am rooting for you, for a you centered 2017.

Bonita Gordita said...

Thank you sweetheart. xxooo