276 - Thoughts About Weight Loss Surgery

Weigh in today: 276

That's good, I'm down one pound after a less than spectacular week. I really didn't exercise until the weekend (2 walks), and went over my calories by over 1/2 a days calories.  That was when I "allowed myself a little lenience" for the day. If I remember correctly, my "lenience" came in the form of alcohol, for the most part.

I weighed myself on Wednesday in the middle of the week and I was actually up two pounds. It scared (and frustrated) me.

I love the scale when it moves down, fear it when it moves up.

It's a great tool when you're trying to be healthier, but it can be the devil's tool on any given day.

Wednesday I had to choose between having one more lenience day, or getting right back on track. I got right back on track. I fought back all week, really, counting my calories, denying my urges to splurge.

I WISH I HAD THIS KIND OF WILLPOWER FOREVER

Because I've been here before. Twice. Losing weight, feeling better, seeing results, making changes. And then something turns a corner. Something... changes. And I can no longer control my eating, every  cheat day turns into another cheat day/week/month/season, and I'm staring 300 in the eyes again, asking if it would like to dance.

I've earned the right to be nervous on this one. I have.

Sometimes my mind will go in the direction of WLS. I hate WLS. That's my knee-jerk reaction. I have friends who will swear by it, but I'm not sold. I have a family member who had surgery years ago, and she's been about 260-280 pounds for the last decade. Maybe that's the old surgery. Maybe she's one of the few that it doesn't work long-term for.

I do understand it, though. I won't say it is they easy route, but in a way it is the easiest, regardless. I can say that, never having done it. I know there are still food struggles - but they aren't the same, and you have a mechanically altered stomach to prevent (as intended) body blow up. You have a physically forced regimen. I say it is easy because your options are smaller. People lose weight, period. They do. And they don't regret it (because they have lost weight).

I don't know what that means for them 30 years down the line. I'm not sure. It is interesting. I just don't know if it is for me. Some days I think it would be wonderful. Everyone I've seen have it done loses weight. Yes, they struggle, but the LOSE. More than I have. Less yo-yo than I have. They're under 200. I'm not.

See how tempting it can be?

My biggest roadblock is that I don't have the money, which might just be a good thing. It cuts out an option for me.

I'll be happy with my 1 pound weight loss today and not worry about it so much. I've been doing good.