Surviving Thanksgiving

I survived Thanksgiving. Barely.

Turkey Day, my calorie consumption was surely over. I had potatoes (two kinds), meat, sauces, gravy, pies, real whipped cream, cheese, crackers, cornbread... wine. I had it all.

And then I had more later after I cleaned up.

There was some guilt. I could have portioned my food out while I cooked, keeping within my calories. I could have. I think it would have been too overwhelming. But I might next year, if I'm still doing well like I am now.

It is a nuisance to always watch calories/fats/carbs - but it is not too much fun to feel uncomfortable in your own skin either.

Problem is, my fatigue and overwhelmedness carried over into the next day as well.

I counted my calories, but I'm not doing nearly as good as I did a few days ago. I'm not excited about weighing in, either.

I can't figure out if it is the holidays in themselves that is exhausting and throw me off, or the indulgence in the food. Maybe a bit of both. But I know I'm not at my best when I'm overwhelmed or stressed. I put all of my energy - good energy - into preparing a nice meal for family. I didn't count calories and calculate recipes - I baked by heart, putting into the food what I knew would be tasty.

My relaxed attitude spilled over into Wednesday and I went over my calories then.

UGH. It's hard. Today I'm nearly driving myself nuts trying to keep within the boundaries still. I know how disappointed I will be to have to re-lose weight, though - but I'm also trying to keep big picture about it, and not throw the baby out with the bathwater.

I wish I didn't have the issues with food that I have. I wish I could start from my goal weight.

I don't teach my kids to give up, or back down on the fight. I teach them to work hard and to be disciplined. It's hard when you're not doing that yourself. Although nobody, looking at me, would know how hard I've struggled just to maintain my big body, let alone lose.