Hello, Old Friend

I was with one of my friends the other day, hanging out in couples. She's small and a bit heavy - but not as much as I. Every year they have Biggest Loser in their offices, and she starts chomping on celery sticks and works out on their treadmill.

Yesterday I was frustrated because I swear I could tell that she's lost weight.

Do you know what would happen to me if I started working out and eating celery sticks? You'd find me in a pool of concern at the foot of the treadmill, sucking my thumb. IT WOULDN'T WORK.

I have worked so hard for the weight that I've lost (75 pounds now). Not to say she hasn't, but it was a clear example to me of how different everyone is. And what a jealous pig I can be. I noticed this about an acquaintance I have. She lost 10 pounds and I could tell. I complimented her on it. But in my head, I'm thinking - girl, I've lost THIRTY?! - What is this, The Emperor's New Clothes? Ugh.

I'm really hoping that someone will notice I've lost weight. Seriously, how does a person lose 30 pounds and nobody notices? My husband said he thought he could tell I've lost weight. He "doesn't know how or why" but he thought he could tell. So putting my food on a scale for the last 8 months didn't clue you in?! Gosh.

My kids haven't said a thing. None of my friends, either. I think, in my head, it makes me feel like I haven't. I know, the games we play, right? Like, I know what the scale says, but it isn't showing in my body to the outside world. It's my dirty little secret.

Here are some changes I've noticed (my body must be settling in to itself a bit):

• Car seat - I have to push it up further. I used to put it back all the way. Not anymore.
• My tummy doesn't hang as much (Lori, this is encouraging!)
• My pants are looser, but it depends on the day - I must be bloaty, or carry a lot around my midsection. I really have been staying in the same clothes, regardless of weight, so the only way to measure is when they are ridiculously sloppy on me. I'm not there yet.
• I do feel like my clothes are fitting differently. Some are too big, and some look better.
• I can stretch farther. Less fat to move around.
• I can tell in the shower. My naked body feels smaller. 

I notice subtle things. Again, I'm getting back to where I was, re-losing weight I've lost before, so this isn't new territory.. yet. Right now it's like finding an old friend again. Although, now that I am actually dipping lower than I was, I should be discovering new things. It's exciting, and scary!