I Have A Carb-Intolerance

I'm not bipolar, but I feel like it sometimes.

I'm up, I'm down.

I want to run from my husband, I want to run to my husband.

My love for my kids is constant, and bittersweet. Can't they stay babies forever?

I'm having a rough time. Clearly, right?

I'm discouraged, but it is mostly overload. Really concentrating on losing weight (for me) is work. It's all-consuming at times. It's easier on the To Do list to be 300 pounds and not care what goes in your mouth -- better yet, you can consume ENORMOUS amounts of calories and not gain weight. Brilliant! But you're stuck in a cage of fat and distain that doesn't go away.

This is time-consuming, but easier in every other way. There's no way I'm giving up or turning back. I'm just hitting my very first massive roadbump and it's name is Bonita.


I talked with my husband about it and he didn't give me the "I love you the way you are" speech. He told me I'd come too far and I'm a New Person. He didn't give me the grace to slide back into a big ball of fat again. He gave me the confidence to move forward, and to not give up.

That's kind of a big deal that I need to marinate on for a bit. Hard to explain and put to words.


We got a pizza. I ate it. I want SO bad to really eat it. To snarf a whole piece, bread and all.

But I didn't. I had 3 slices, and ate 1/3 of the crust of one slice.

I gave the dog some of my crust, because he loves pizza crust, and he's as sweet as sugar. I drank some wine. I took a bite of a brownie, chewed it, savored it, and spit it out. Rinsed my mouth. I wondered what kind of freak does that. Oh yeah, I do. 

I really can't eat like everyone else does. I have a carb-intolerance. I know this. Me, eating the way everyone else does, will render me a diabetic/hypoglycemic, fat, and not feeling good. That's not living - not the way I want to live.

This isn't really a "diet" on the whole. It is how it is. Yes, I'll ease up as time goes on and find my happy balance. But right now, eating under 50 net carbs a day is my life. 


Lori said...

Carb intolerance will give you those mood swings. For this season of life, it is wise to limit the carbs. It will serve you well on two fronts: your weight and your moods. It won't be easy but it will be worth it. You CAN do it.

Bonita Gordita said...