290 - Getting Real

This, and some cabbage soup, are my diet for the next couple of days.  At least that's my plan.  It's not a perfect plan.  But, as you can see from the title of this post, I hit 290.  After a weekend away.  I thought I did better.  I thought I maintained.  But really I think I ignored and hoped.

I'm not entirely torn up about it.  It is a reality check and I can decide what I want to do with it.  Lean into it and stay there (or worse, go UP), or get real and get to business.

I'm trying to get real and get to business.  But I need to exercise some control over the power food has on me.  I love it.  I think about it a lot.  I'm happy to do the extra work of making a meal because he reward is eating it.  But I do remember the more I controlled myself in the past, the less food had control over me.  

I truly do think a LOT of it (for me) has to do with sugar cravings; carb cravings.  I can't say that I will be able to go to the extreme of my previous carb control efforts, but I certainly can reign it in a bit before I have more regrets and much more to lose.

My biggest motivation isn't my health, although I know it should be.  It's my clothes.  The simplicity of fitting into a t-shirt without it riding up my tummy.  Jeans without them cutting into my gut.  A lot of the freedoms being 40+ pounds lighter awarded me.  It felt better.  

It was work though.

These difficult days are lifelong.  If I'm fortunate, there will be many more trips, events, parties... I have to figure out how to navigate them.  How to enjoy myself and still lose weight, maintain, and not gain. 

It's SO FREAKING HARD.  I have plenty of friends who are able to do that.  BUT THEY DON'T HAVE MY ISSUES WITH FOOD.  I try to eat like other people, but I just can't.  Not without paying for it later.  One of my best friends is rail thin.  She drinks beer all the time.  She never gains, never gets a pot belly.  I have to remember I'm not her, I guess.  I never will be.  I'm me.

Anyway.  The next couple days are going to be hard.  I'd like to get through three days of really just eating shakes and cabbage soup - just to break this cycle I'm on.  I don't really have any events that should tempt me, so I should be able to manage.

Wish me luck.


Lori said...

Good luck!!

I know what you mean about clothes. I hate is when they get tight. Plus I have a whole wardrobe of cute clothes that are too small. It breaks my heart!

Bonita Gordita said...

It's funny but I know they are small because I'm bigger, but my brain does tricks, telling me the clothes shrunk. :P