Hi. It's only Day 2. I'm feeling like cracking.
OK, not entirely. I'm actually doing alright. Though it is amazing how much I focus on food. How much life focuses on food. I guess that is not horrible. It is more my overuse/abuse, lack of willpower that is the problem.
People with a healthy relation with food can enjoy the heck out of it, too.
Ugh. I don't know, but last night I was sitting in bed, doing my regular routine of watching television, messaging my son, talking to my daughter, making lists... and I couldn't get my mind of food. It didn't help that I was watching Food TV, but really. I mean, I was like, tasting it. Smelling it. I could literally smell a pizza. I wanted it SO BADLY.
I watched them make burritos, chicken, sauces. I didn't want to turn it off, but I almost wanted to lick the screen. The back of my throat was confused, wondering what it was smelling, tasting - that wasn't there.
I started to hallucinate curry. Indian food. Buffet. The rice, the chicken, the dessert.
Delaying my gratification.
Maybe it will get easier. Maybe it will get harder.
Today I had my breakfast and instead of my egg and toast, I mixed it up a bit with an English muffin and peanut butter. Tasty.
Lunch again was the Chicken Makhani (Lean Cuisine) sprinkled with red pepper.
It was yummy. I hate purchasing the Lean Cuisines, but I really am in survival mode sometimes, and though I know they are more expensive, my downfalls are having to think to much, and convenience. Grabbing a LC on the way out the door works for me when I'm feeling overwhelmed (which is most of the time).
I came home and had my greek yogurt with some granola, made dinner, and felt hungry.
I did my Walk Away the Pounds 1-mile workout. Not a big deal, nothing strenuous, but something that was better than nothing. I could totally do that 3x per week and not blink an eye. I used 3-pound weights to work my arms a bit more.
I wanted to tack on some extra calories to my 1700-something allotment, since I did the workout. But I'm not supposed to.
I had a glass of wine with some fruit in it, overly-excited about dinner.
I'm so hungry.
I have 200 calories left and I'm going to spend some of them on some more wine.
One thing I've noticed that I do when trying to eat more sensibly is that I get to bed earlier. I think that, when I'm on a bender, I stay up late and eat or sip wine, consuming an overload of calories before bed.
Bad habits are hard to break.
I don't know if I will make it another half hour to wait before everyone gets home. I want to eat, brush my teeth, and go lounge in my bed. I'm less likely to over eat that way. My husband would like to go out for a while tonight, but I just simply can not.
I hope my 11 Day Challenge pays off. I can truly feel my sacrifices right now, and it isn't feeling so great at the moment.