I weighed in today.
I didn't wanna do it. I didn't want to be discouraged. But, it is one of the main ways I track my progress and give myself a reality check. Not fool proof, I know.
Today was a good weigh in.
I did it! I dropped below 270. My post and typing would make you think I was excited and happy about it (and I'm happy), but I'm also a bit dread-filled. After I stepped on the scale and weighed myself, I redid it. I have a hard time believing the scale. My second weigh in concurred with my first, and I let it alone.
I will try to be encouraged by this (I imagine the opposite had it said 272 instead), and not immediately dive into the fear of success that I grapple with.
Last night as I finished off my soup, wine, and cornbread, I had one of those ding-dong lightbulb moments that happen on occasion. I was diligently tracking my calories. I stayed under. I did well. I felt good about it. I surfed some weight loss/healthy-me blogs and (for some reason) started to get a bit angry. Jealousy, really, I guess.
I was jealous on two fronts: one of the weight loss (and the ease that some of them had with it), two of the ability to just off and get surgery on saggy skin.
The first issue: EASY WEIGHT LOSS
I shouldn't say "easy" because it really isn't. However, there is a difference between changing a pattern of addiction, and simply changing a pattern. Some of the blogs I went to were from people that clearly didn't make good nutritional choices. They simply didn't eat well. Once given the tools (calorie counter, Weight Watcher) or game plan - they were set. The weight melted off. Their only issue was disgust at their prior selves.
My issues, and many of the others that seem to fumble success, losing it through their fingers, going on hiatus, or hesitantly coming back to say they had regained, are deeper. I can follow the program and count my calories, but there is a bigger battle being waged inside of me.
It's the difference of breaking up with someone you hardly know, and someone who you've built your life around. Easy weight loss is losing weight when you don't have "issues" with food that go beyond eating the wrong ones.
The second issue: SAGGY SKIN SURGERY
(No, I haven't called my insurance company yet. I will.)
This is the second part that truly is an obstacle for me. Whenever I go to a blog where someone has lost major weight (over 100 pounds), I look to see if they had THE SURGERY. Many of them have. I do think that the surgery helps a person from regaining. People that have excess skin to tote around tend to be frustrated with it. Though they enjoy their new body, the skin is almost like a cancer reminding them of their prior shame. I see myself in that second category. I see me being happier filling out the skin than having it hang there. I fear that.
Neither one of these are excuses, though. That's the bottom line. Some things are easier or more attainable, life isn't fair. The beauty of it is I can do the work, no matter how hard it is, and overcome obstacles (like saggy skin) if I want to. For me, though, it is a heck of a fight. A life-long battle of the mind.
Anyway, Day 3 of my 11 Day Challenge.
Next goal: 264 (decisively below my lowest weight  in the last decade)