Weigh In: 265 (MILESTONE)


Woohoo! Can you believe it? I couldn't. Last Friday I stepped on the scale and it said 265, and I knew that there was a chance I'd blow it over the weekend. I also knew that it was motivation for me not to blow it to see that number on the scale, and to try to hold it for my next weigh in.

This new scale has been an interesting adventure so far. I can see my weight fluctuate through the day and week, and it is a challenge to keep my head through it. But, I can also weigh in in my bra and underwear, which I much prefer.

I was 265.0 on the nose! More than anything I am relieved. But I also know that this is where my challenge really begins. 

Since I've been all the way down to 266 (twice), this 265 is a new beginning for me. Sure it is just one pound, but it is an important pound. It puts me on the other side, a new marker, in my journey.

I went in my SparkPeople logs and put it all the way back to 2009. Most times I started at 292/293. I made it down to 266 two times. This is the third one, and the only time I've broken the barrier. The scary part is after I would hit 266, I would steadily creep back up. The first time it was to 277, and then back down to 266 in 2011. It looks like since April of 2011, though, I haven't been able to get back down here for almost two years. 

I lost, regained some, lost, and then crept back up and leveled out for a couple years.

I really (really) REALLY want this to be THE one. The time it doesn't go back up. The time it falls, and I get closer to my goal. I believe it can happen. As frustrating as it is for me, and has hard as it is for me, God willing, I want to do this. I don't want to see those weights ever again.

I told myself that I would "out" myself once I reached this weight, but I can't. I need to wait until I get below 260 and then I will say something to my friends on Facebook or whatever. It's part of the process for me. I have difficulty announcing achievements publicly because I feel boastful, like I'm bragging. But I overlook the inspiration that it gives other people, and the accountability it holds (me) to. 

I need to prove to myself that I'm not going to quit now. That I'm going to push on, stay tough, and continue from here. I haven't proven that to myself just quite yet. The fact that I've broken a barrier and pushed past that 266 is a start. A very good start.

I've not yet been back to the gym. I've been eating decently, moving a lot more, and doing workout videos (as well as walking and getting fresh air). 


Lori said...

Good for you. Having see-sawed up and down the scales more times and pounds than I care to admit, I know the joy and fear you are experiencing now. You can do this. I think you've done the hardest part, breaking through that mental barrier.

Elenamary said...

god this was good to read right now. i haven't been weighing myself (oh the fear) but it takes strength to say this is where i am, and i want to be at X. you've given me that strength. thank you.