257

One pound down.

I'm happy. I've weighed in at 257 before

--sidenote, I keep wanting to write 275, it feels more normal--

but it wasn't on a weigh in day.

It is official now.

I sure would love to say that I got to 255 this month, but that's my goal for May - to clear 255.

I know that's only TWO stinkin' pounds, but still. I've read enough of my own posts to know that nothing is certain in the weigh loss or maintain lane.

_______________________

We went out with friends this weekend and I was thrilled to find that getting dressed was not devastating, tear-inducing, or a huge worry of mine. I put on one of the new shirts I picked up at Goodwill, a pair of capris, and was off. It felt incredibly liberating.

I feel like I weigh 120 pounds!

I thought for sure my friends would notice that I've lost some weight - I haven't seen them in at least a month.

Nothing. Nope. Not a comment.

That was frustrating. But it also in a twisted way encourages me to continue. It's motivation, because at some point, all these stubborn people (I say that jokingly) that haven't noticed WILL HAVE TO.

Weight loss for an incredibly fat person is a strange process. I can get dressed and got out feeling nearly wafer thin, and to everyone else, I'm still a largely fat person. That's kind of sad and pathetic for me at the same time.

My body doesn't match how great I feel.

_______________________

Today wasn't so hot. It was a day where I can clearly see where emotions come into my eating.

Somedays my lower carb, higher fat diet makes me satiated. Actually most days I am satisfied and happy. Today, though, I was looking for food even though I wasn't hungry. It's beautiful out and everyone in the world is walking their dog, running, playing, pushing kids in strollers, walking with friends - and I just want to be inside my quiet house.

It might be hormonal. It's that time of month for me again. It might be some recent life changes for me. It might be that I'm coming off of being sick. I'm not sure. It isn't the stark, raving monster-like hunger that plagues me at times, where nothing will satisfy. It's just a quiet desire for some comforty foods, something sweet, salty, carby - something I'm accustomed to treating myself to to make things feel better.

Old habits die hard.