If my weight keeps careening upwards, next week you're going to see me running for the hills.
I've done well all week. There's no reason why I should be hitting close to 258 right now.
I'm hoping that next week I will weigh in and can look back to this entry and say, I always freak out needlessly. I really, really do.
I'm afraid I'm getting stuck again. My body likes to hang out for a while before it drops anything. This past week it has been hanging. I mean, come on.
I have been tired this past week, though, and not getting enough sleep, which definitely can be contributing. Other than that I feel good. My clothes feel good. I'm hanging in there. Today I stopped at Costco and loaded up on chicken patties, bacon, cheese, eggs, kale, rotisserie chicken... things like that. Nothing sexy, but my fridge is way fuller than it was this morning.
As I walked out, I caught the eye of a nice man, smiled and kept walking.
Men are looking at me more. I didn't want to mention that, but there it is. 40 pounds ago, it was rare-er. Now, it is much more common. I sounds incredibly vain to even be mentioning this, but I mention it because I'm not sure what to think of it.
When I was younger, and thinner, I got a lot of looks from the men. There are times when I think that I actually packed on fat to keep that away. Keep to myself. I don't have a lot of "fat baggage" or issues that I think keep me fat, but if I had to readily pick one, it might be that.
I'm not young, I'm not a supermodel, I'm still a pretty fat beast. Sometimes when you see a fatty that can really "pull it off" at her weight, it makes you look a little longer. Maybe that's it. I don't know. But I don't know how I feel about it. At times I have this weird feeling like I want to climb back into my fat suit and cozy up.
I have read people say that, as they lost weight, they noticed more people looking them in the eye. I don't feel like I command any more attention now than I did before. Except for this. It's not new, it's an old familiar, except the men aren't 20 anymore. It's nice for people to think you're pretty, but I also apparently have some sort of issue about it because it's nice, but it bothers and scares me a bit.
Maybe I'm accustomed to being a little more incognito?