This Entry Is Brought To You By Merlot... And Ice Cream

Red wine is good for you.
Ice cream... I don't know. But it is low carb, no sugar (stevia). It hit the spot.

A month ago I felt slim, trim, and happy with where I was. Recently I just feel pudgy and slow. I don't know if that goes back to being depressed, or if it is just the swing of things.

I haven't been able to stick under my calories OR stick to having drinks only twice per week. This week turned out to be more taxing than I anticipated. Between all of the scheduled events, being alone to run things most of the time - we also had some medical emergencies in our house which were pretty scary, and ended us in the ER for a while. It is about all I can handle to not completely revert into super poor eating.

I've not tracked calories too well. I've not exercised. But I've been aware. And I'm hanging in there.

I weighed myself today and I was 251 on the nose. So, in reality I've lost a tiny bit. But you know how that goes - on Wednesday I could step on there and be up to 254. Who knows?

Right now I'm incredibly stressed.

I (literally) hate my job. I dread going nearly every day and almost continually fantasize about quitting. I applied for 5 jobs today. I hope something bites.

I'm worried about our family's health concern. Not only am I worried, but it brings back emotions from past traumas that are hard to stuff down.

My marriage. It's frustrating. It's not where I'd like it to be at all and hasn't been for a while. We've talked about things a million times but nothing changes. Not ever. I feel like I carry the brunt of the household on my shoulders. If anything needs to be fixed or planned - I do it. It is exhausting and unfair.

I wish I were different (on the inside). I feel angry, bitter, and resentful so much. I work hard to change that, but it's like cutting off a cancer that keeps growing back.