I should update here.
Today is the first day back to school for my kids. The house is quiet, but empty without them here. I have a list of things I need to do and know I will not have enough time to do all of it. But I'm at peace. I'll do what I can do.
I can handle those things.
The rest... we'll see.
I went off my low carb"diet" on Labor Day.
Not for the entire day, but for a meal. I had a beer. I had macaroni and cheese. I had potatoes. I had wine (normally I allow that, but I'm throwing it in there). I had cake. And pie. And then I had another bite of the cake. And the pie.
And then I started to feel sick. Not like just my tummy was about to explode, but like I wanted to crawl out of my own skin and pump my stomach sick. I had this feeling once before when I drank wine and ate dinner at a friend's house. I think there was hidden carbs/sugar in the chicken's sauce, and I didn't have enough other non-carb fillers to buffer the blow.
I literally thought I was going to melt. I can't explain the feeling, but it's beyond a pat on the tummy to indicate a well-indulged meal. It's a feeling like something is freaking WRONG in my system, and my body wants to expel it, even if it has to squirt it through my eyeballs.
It was nice to just eat like everyone else and not worry about it. I still loaded up on meat and kept the others to small portions, but after having none, even small portions is a shock. I do have to say that over and above the dessert (which was SO good), was the macaroni and cheese. I'll have to try that using cauliflower instead for a sub, because I really do enjoy that recipe. I enjoy mac and cheese.
I also was a bloated animal, weighing 258 on the scale the next day. I'm down to 255 today, but I can see that the ramifications are lasting a bit.
However, I think I needed that "cheat day/meal" - I have been for a while. It reminded me of why I'm eating the way I'm eating. I felt somewhere on the scale of that ickiness quite often while I was eating carbs, and it wasn't pleasant.
I'll keep figuring this out. Right now I need to refocus on losing weight. I won't make that 100 pound loss by my deadline. But I bet I can make it by Christmas if I really try. What a treat it would be to me to be able to feel baggy in my comfortable clothes now? It would be a HUGE treat. I'm not at a weight that I think is sustainable for ever, though, I could. It's better than 338 or 295. But I'd like to get rid of another 50ish pounds and see if I can maintain that.
I hope by this time next year I'm at that point. I certainly could be.