Why?

I don't have much of a desire for anything.

I really hate this cycle.  Probably most people would say that (whatever afflicts them - non-terminally) is "the worst" affliction.

I hate being fat.

Anyone who has been over 300 pounds and gets down to a more manageable weight will say that "their life changed dramatically."

I can't imagine living without arms.  I have arms.

I can't imagine being unable to walk.  I can walk.

I can do most everything.  But my fat truly does prohibit me from living a better life.

I wish it were easy.  I'm so frustrated at being where I am.  AGAIN.  At standing in front of my closet nearly in tears.  AGAIN.  Tight pants.  Shirts too short.  Not wanting to walk through, past, in.  Not really wanting to do much of anything, really.  I don't get it.  I really don't.

My relationship is so strained.  If it weren't for the kids, I think we'd be divorced.

I wish I knew what came first, or why this happens.  I KNOW how happy I am being smaller.  I've been there.  But the will for that was not strong enough to weather the storms of life for me.

WHY?