I Have To Start Over

I don't know where to begin, but I need to begin again.

I went on a mini-vacation with friends.  I'm up SEVEN pounds in four days.  Mostly because of beer.

It's difficult to go traveling and have fun with foodies if you don't eat.  I'm paying for it.  Beer (especially) makes things blow up on me.  I was doing OK before that, walking mostly, but maintaining a 283 pound weight.  Sounds silly to have that be a goal to maintain, but seriously when you've hit 338 pounds, there is a matter of perspective.  I NEVER want to hit 300 again in my life.  Not ever.

But since I've been there, I assume I could get there again.

At any rate, I need a refresh.  I need to start over.  I remember how great I felt at 251.  How great everyone said I looked.  How much more versatile my wardrobe was.  I need to get back there.  It's 40 pounds, and when I look back it took me 18 months just to shed 40 pounds.  Seems like a lot.  I'm scared of the same thing.  I'm scared it will never happen.  It's hard to thing, gee in a year and a half I can feel SO much better!!

Now I'm instantly getting depressed.  Great.  I'm instantly feeling like the mountain is way too high.

I have to chuck those feelings and instead take it as a challenge.


Lori said...

You can have a restart any time you want. I feel your pain. I was almost at my goal weight and let things get out of control. It seems so pointless to work so hard and then fritter it away. Still, you did it once, you can do it again.

Bonita Gordita said...

I'm on day two of Doing Better. That's all that counts. I'm doing better. <3

Nigel Betts said...

Hi, a long time since I have checked out your blog. I see the struggle is still ever present... I know that feeling too well! Very best of luck to you and I hope you continue to find the strength to keep pushing on in a positive way. I will pop back soon to see how you are getting on. Nigel,

Bonita Gordita said...

Yup, lifelong struggle, Nigel. Thank you for the well-wishes.