New Clothes

After writing about clothes yesterday, I started thinking about my clothes. I haven't changed them since before. They were rather ill-fitting, and now they fit better. That was one of my goals - to feel better in my clothes.

It makes a difference. I do feel better.

I used to cry when I'd get dressed. I'd stare at my closet, look it up and down, knowing that everything was too tight here, or too short there (didn't hide my belly). The pants bulged. Nothing looked right. I was limited to what I'd wear because only certain clothes felt good, and fit right.

I was really miserable. It makes me sad to think about it, to remember it. It isn't a new feeling. There was a time for me when most off-the-rack clothing didn't fit and I had to order from online sources. I bought some polo shirts, an elastic waistband pair of pants. I was really big.

People look at me and probably think I'm still really big. 260-some pounds is no joke for a female. I'm still not lighter than my husband (another goal of mine).

I hope I can get there, but I also want to remind myself of where I am and where I've been. Though my black jeans (another goal - to fit in them) actually DO go on, I want to be able to wear them comfortably.

Last time I was at this weight I was so happy to be here that squeezing into those black jeans was enough for me. It isn't anymore. Right now I feel like I did when I was pushing 300. Everything still fits. I want to get to the point where it won't fit anymore. Where it would be ridiculous to wear it.

It is going to take me a while. I've been busting out of the clothes I had, now they are getting comfortable, and I need to press forward.

My head is where I live. It's hard to get out of it. Not long ago I was wondering if I'd break that 265. I did, but I still worry about keeping it coupled with blasting out the bottom on this thing and finding a new low.

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I'm trying to talk myself into getting to the gym. I've been walking, but I need to do some weights and toning. The last few days have been cold and rainy and I didn't get on a walk. So... today... I really need to, and I don't want to walk in this weather. That means taking myself to the gym.

Blech.

Gotta do it, though.