I want to leave myself a little note.
I started Metformin again.
I'm on Day 3.
Haven't had any issues with it as of yet. It was about 3 (which means 5) years ago that I went on it, got through about a week, bumped it up, and went off. My doctor still wanted me to give it another try, and I'm embarrassed to say it took me this long to do it.
At any rate, I feel fine so far. I'm not going to bump up over 500 mg, though, unless I have a very good reason. I seem to do better on smaller doses of things.
I've been tired lately - or wanting to sleep longer. Maybe it's age, maybe I'm sleeping better. I used to want to sleep, sleep, sleep when I was a teenager. The last few years I've been getting up early no matter what, and now the last few months I want to sleep again. It could be that I've been taking the sertraline and my morning anxiety is lessened? I don't really know. I never related it to that before, so I'll have to think on that.
Jease, any more meds?! Haha.
I've tried to keep my anxiety under control, but I can't, so I'm trying meds. They're definitely helping, no doubt. My PMS is greatly lessened. It's not a 100% turnaround or anything, but it's minimized.
I still haven't gone to the gym (I renewed my membership).
I've been walking more since I absolutely LOVE fall, and could spend every day outside in this weather.
(Each
represents 1 pound gone)
338|
| 286
53 gone, 87 more to go to 198
Old Goals
I'm keeping a record of my old goals here so I can remember them. But updated my goals so I can re-achieve them.
MAJOR GOALS
238 (100 pounds GONE)
Mini Goals
2016
below 280 below 270 good habits through May size 24 pants clothes too loose jog 1 mile
Goals Achieved How Many Starting Again Posts Can I Have
Haha.
I guess I never "stopped" battling, or working on living a healthier lifestyle. But I haven't been as intentional about it as I needed to.
Truth is I've been relatively healthy with my eating, and my walking. But I need to lose weight. That's the bottom line.
For vanity reasons (let's be honest) - my clothes are tight.
For practical reasons - my body feels unnecessarily uncomfortable wrapped in so much fat.
For health reasons - carrying around this much excessive weight can't be healthy for me.
So, I've been intentional in other areas - like just trying to stay afloat of life, enjoying my time off, enjoying family, taking walks... but I really do need to TRY to shed some weight.
I'd love to see 220, but I don't know. Right now I really do need to start over. I'm in another chapter of my life, and have NO reason not to focus on myself right now.
My short term goal is to get below 280. I was balancing at 283 for a long time, and then started on Sertraline this summer and hit 290, which was where I seemed to hover, getting as high as 293 quite a few times.
I don't know if it was/is the Sertraline, or if it's the vacation that I took early in the season - or if it's hormones, or laziness. I honestly don't know.
What I do know is that four short years ago on June 17, 2013 I was 249 pounds and felt A GREAT DEAL BETTER. And now, a little over 4 years later I am 40 pounds heavier.
What changed?
My job changed. I left a part-time job that I had for 6 years, and moved to full-time work.
I would have to say that was the major change in my life. The good of that is that I've learned new skills, challenged myself in the workplace, and have met new people. The not-so-good is that I've had a stressful time of things. The first two jobs I had were stressful and one of them occupied way too much of my time. The second one was a stepping stone, and the third brought me to a position that I've been trying to land since I took the first job.
Though this current position is my "goal position" - it's been ladled with stress. There's been a lot of turnover, and it was somewhat of a clean-up job when I started. By this year, it was to be smooth sailing for me. It's not there yet. I come home stressed and edgy. I take work home with me.
Bottom line is if I can't find a work/life balance this year, I think I will give up what is to be my "dream job" - which I don't want to do. But I worry that the balance weighs heavy on the job part, and not on the life part, and don't want to miss out on the second chapter of my life because I'm so wrapped up in my job.
I'm also trying to grow as a person and NOT give so much of myself to my work that I can't have a life on any day but the weekend. A big part of that, for me, is losing weight so that I'm more comfortable to do the things I want to do, and I have to be intentional and have the energy to do that.
I have to figure out how because I don't want to wait a year to make that happen.
This post is a lot of babble, but writing it out helps me work through it. That's one of the ways I focus on myself, I think.
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