Day 10 Of 11 Day Challenge... Still On Task

Two more days of this 11 Day Challenge. I (almost) made it. One more day. After today. Ha. I have a day off today, so I have a little more time to reflect on this challenge and might not tomorrow.

Here's what I said:

I came in January 2013 at 272 and I will be frustrated with myself if I leave at that weight, or can't get below 270. I probably shouldn't hold myself to such a hard degree, but I need to see some progress in myself or I am concerned frustration will set in.

I've done pretty good. I've stayed tight to my calorie limits, I've lost weight, and completely cleared 270. I feel good about things. I'd call that a success. I'm leaving January and I'm leaving the 270s. Hoo-rah, hoo-rah. It really does feel good to be looking at a goal beyond breaking 270 now.

It hasn't been easy this week, especially yesterday. After I weighed in Monday, I realized I was getting my monthly frienemy (aka "period"). It was early. I wasn't expecting it.

Tuesday I was ready to pour chocolate on my car tires and eat them. I get that desperate. I plugged in my calories for the day heading into dinner and realized my dinner was going to cost me. I needed to recaculate things to allow for more food and less calories. So, instead of the mexican gumbo bowls (pork, rice, chips, cheese - yummy), I had to settle for something vegetable-laden and bulky. Something to fill me up more for less.

I made a broccoli salad. It is 150 calories per serving and I ate two servings, topped with 2 servings of fake crab meat (140 calories). So my dinner capped out at 440 calories (verses about 600 with what I originally planned). It was filling and it satisfied me. It wasn't warm comfort food, but it was crunchy and savory and sweet and it worked.

It was only after I ate it that I realized I had calculated my snack wrong and had an extra 100 calories to spare. But you know what? I wasn't troubled or upset. I was proud of myself for not choosing to make an excuse (my monthly frienemy - which is a good one) to blow things. I was talking myself into it, and was close to blowing it on food, wine, and something sweet.

I didn't. I don't know why or how, but praise God, I did it. And I found a new mixture (crab and broccoli salad) that works for me. 

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Another thing I learned over doing this challenge is that taking care of myself requires me to be somewhat selfish. It requires me to put a bit of a spotlight on mySELF. Sometimes that is uncomfortable. 

But I want to note this for myself: I can't spend all my time on everyone else. Everyone has their thing, and if you want it, you have to prioritize it. Once I get done with MYSELF, then I can focus on other things. I volunteer my time a lot, and when I wasn't working it made sense. I wasn't working and I was horribly fat. Now, I'm working and I'm trying to manage a home, and I'm trying to get to a healthier place for myself. It is OK for me to do that.

Another note: There is always time. Priorities. Everything anyone says about better health and weight loss/maintenance is true. You have to commit to it. You have to live it. You have to make it a priority. I've managed to find time to plan meals, count calories, exercise (3x per week) - only because I made it a priority. I've still paid bills, talked to people, attended my kid's events - but I've spent less time wasting on the internet, on sleeping, on eating. I can't say that every day allows for the time, but disciplining myself to get off the computer, or get off my duff, or get up a bit earlier... that's what gets me there.

I don't know what I will do after tomorrow. On comes a new month. I might allow myself a "day off" this weekend for the Super Bowl. I don't know. Today I feel good. I got up and worked out, ate a yummy breakfast... have a list of things to do, and will happily check some off. 

I will go into February at 268. I am one pound away from being half-way to my goal. I am one pound away from losing 70 pounds. Wowzy. I'd like to leave February below 264, because I aim to leave March below 260. That gives me 8 weeks to lose 8 pounds. Maybe that is my next challenge! 

Eating My Vegetables

Hello.

I'm doing well. Maintaining within a few pound range. Not really lost anything for January, but not gained anything significant, either.

Well, except some more notches in the tool belt of positive thinking.

I have struggled. I have not journaled my food. But I maintained. Simple focus on the positive kept me from slingshotting into abandoned weight gain last month. Interesting. But, I do feel I need to kick it up a notch this month. Add a new twist, bring in a new element. Choices:

• Journal food and exercise
• Return to counting calories
• Exercise at least 3 times a week
• Counting calories and staying within a specific range

None of these I particularly favor, to be honest. They are all a means of keeping myself honest. They are all time-consuming. But as I look at them, I do see that they are necessary for me to gain accountability. Journaling my food is helpful, as is journaling exercise. In a way I feel as if just simply doing that, without setting a goal for either is not much of a help. But, I have to look at things in a different light. In a long-term light. In a way of changing and refocusing. 

So, my goal for the month, on top of viewing the positives, will be to journal everything I eat and journal what I do for exercise. No goals in mind, but simple reflection. That step is a gentle nudge into the next level of counting calories (and probably staying within a range) - we'll see. 

I am pleased that I've been able to stop the scale. I felt good when I woke up and sweated things out this morning. I'd like to get to a place where I were moving more. I'll get there.

Oh - and I've been clearing my head a bit more. Meditating, I guess you would say. But clearing my head, allowing myself to just be and not think. Too often I'm constantly churning, thinking, planning, assessing, ruminating over something-- anything, at all times. My brain needs rest, desperately. I need to allow for that.

Today I beefed up my menu with veggies. I'm not saying I could do that every day, but for two meals I added 1 cup of mixed (frozen) vegetables to my meal. For instance, for dinner I had Lean Cuisine Chicken Masala. I mixed in 1 cup of veggies in there. I think it "cost" me 80 calories or so. But, it also filled me up. It didn't change the flavor, or leave me feeling deprived - it did the opposite. It filled me up and I was less hungry today. Realistically I could do this more often, but not always. 

Stress Eating

I've had SO much going on over the last couple of weeks. Life changes, family challenges, work. It doesn't matter, though, as if I were unique. We all have these things happen. We all experience the challenges and joys in life. I'm not looking for pity. I'm reflecting.

I did well for a bit there, biking a lot, walking a lot. Being active, eating sensibly while still enjoying the fruits of summer. And then the stressors hit. I ate because it was easier than thinking about it. I ate, because it was comforting.

I can be sure that the scale would reflect my "comforting" if I were to step on it today.

But the real reason that I come here at midnight to pound out a quick post/note to self is to document the fact that:

I've had fast food for 3 days straight (eeeew).
Today, on a day of massive stress and sadness I made popcorn with butter and salt, ate brie with honey and a yummy crusty bread. Drank half a bottle of wine.

... and I yearn for more.

I found myself doing the weirdest thing ever. Instead of reaching for the 6-pack of Hershey's chocolate bars I have stashed in the cupboard for s'more making, I grabbed a bag of lettuce, ripped it open, put a few handfuls in a bowl.

Ate a leaf of lettuce. Chewed.

Totally skipped the dressing. No olive oil and vinegar, no Ranch, no nothing. I ate that baby naked. And I liked it. I could probably stuff the whole bag down my throat if I wanted to. I just... I wanted to chew. I wanted something. And I got it from a bag of lettuce.

Veggie Obsession

Here's one of my current veggie obsession:

broccoli sprouts & homemade salsa (or pico de gallo from the store)

dress with oil & vinegar or Newman's light balsamic

Very yummy. I use about 1 cup of "fluffed" sprouts, and 1/3 cup salsa, or whatever combination. I ate it twice today. Very good, very low calorie.