Doing Too Much For My Kids

I know I mentioned before how I was a creature of habit with my morning egg and toast. Well, my lunches (at work) can be on the mundane, habitual side as well. Quite often I eat the Lean Cuisine meat lasagna. It fills me up, tastes decent, and is relatively inexpensive. I keep a few in my freezer so I always have something to grab.

I also keep a 4-pack box of Starkist tuna pouches in my drawer at work for back-up, or to add to a carby meal. Sometimes when I'm flat out desperate, I just go ahead and eat that tuna pouch as-is.

Other times I bring my own lunch, packed from leftovers. I have these glass, 2-cup containers with lids that work out nicely. 

Today, though, I had a new Lean Cuisine - Chicken Makhani. I've had other Indian dishes by LC and have been OK with them - except one of them was not made with real chicken and it gave me a bit of a bloaty, "off" feeling that I didn't like. The flavor was fine, but the after-bloat, not so much.


This one was pretty good. It had about 3 strips of chicken in it, with a side of rice and some sauce. I also doused it with some red pepper flakes to kick up the heat - and that really did the trick for me. I'll definitely get it again.

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Day 3 of the EA Sports Active, and I have to say I wasn't all that impressed today. Maybe it was a "slower" workout day, or something - I really don't know. All I know is I was hardly sweating when I was done. Granted, I'm on the "easy" setting (I thought I should for the first few), but still, I felt a wanting when I was done and ended up going for a quick walk after. 

I guess I should focus on the fact that I was doing something and eating better. That's a win-win.

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My attitude has been kind of sucky lately. I can't pinpoint why, though. Stress, probably, since that's the root of most of my bad attitude days. When I can't stuff it down with food or alcohol (or chocolate), I get kinda cranky. I have a feeling if I were thinner and had the means, I might resort to running. Had I a treadmill, I'd be on it right now. I can't go walk our neighborhood for free, though.

I have desires to go for long runs at night, hours-long bike rides, long ventures that don't end quickly. I'm just not there right now. I don't know if I will ever be. 

Sometimes, I think I should get a gym membership and throw myself into working out. Days like today I feel like I put way too much time into my kids and too little time into myself. I don't feel valued or special, I don't feel like my kids are appreciative that I support them. It's normal for them, and they take it for granted. Maybe if I had more to myself, I wouldn't feel resentful and they wouldn't feel so commonplace about everything I do for them.


A couple examples:
Yesterday I was volunteering for one of their activities. They showed irritation that I wouldn't be able to (do something/give more) because I was already tied up in my volunteer commitment. "Wait a second, I'm doing this for YOUR team, for YOUR activity - not me... how are you going to demand more of me than that," I asked.

Today we were watching something on TV as a family - something that interests the kids. Because they spend so much time with this interest, I've learned more about it and have opinions on it, too. So I gave mine and got ridiculed for it. I love my kids, they are GREAT. So I'm not really saying they are being brats. They are, sort of, but they also aren't. I'm pointing a finger at myself, here, too. Maybe I need to step back a bit and give some time to myself. I just don't know.I know my feelings are hurt. I escaped off to my computer (again), hurt. I don't know what that means. I don't know a lot of things. I'm trying to figure that out.











1 comment:

Elenamary said...

the best mom takes care of herself first. love yourself, spend time on yourself, you deserve it and your children will have a mother that has shown them the importance of valuing oneself. you are a great mom, and don't tell yourself anything different.