Each week presents its own challenge. This one is moving my kid back to college.
Emotions. That's what it is.
I don't mind the kids going back to school, but I also love having my kids around. I'm not excited about my college-aged kid leaving again, because I know that some day he'll be out on his own and I won't have him here eating dinners, taking showers, sleeping under the same roof as us. I know that will be true eventually for all of them, and I'm not looking forward to it. I really cherish these times.
This weekend we went to the park and just watched our big kids hang out with each other. If I could have stopped the world and hung out at that place in time for infinity, I'd be content.
Life is a racing train and there's times you want it to speed up, and others when you're hitting the brakes trying desperately to slow it down.
I'm doing better. I'm hanging in there. I'm not as sharp-edged, angry, quick-tempered as I was a week ago. I need to talk to my doctor about this PMS as soon as possible. It's so horrible. Awful. When I'm not feeling that way, I look back and kind of shudder at how horrible it feels.
Still, emotions are what often drives me. Drives my food/eating, my exercising or non-exercising.
I've slacked off a lot. Not tracked my calories or water, not intentional exercised. This week I have to push myself to keep on track. To gain would make me miserable. I don't want that to happen. I've been keeping pretty low-carb and on track that way, but have let a few things pass my lips I shouldn't have - but I brought my own food to my girl's dinner, and didn't cheat there. Victory.
I also slipped and had a 1/2 a beer. It's been MONTHS since I've had a beer. But that 1/2 beer was enough. It was tasty, and then I moved on to my Zevia cola. I was happy about that. I made a point to myself NOT to be drinking - not to celebrate, and not to numb pain. Whatever I'm feeling, I want to feel. I had a few glasses of wine at my girls' dinner, so I really didn't need to be having anything again the next night.
I don't have any lofty goals right now besides simply wanting to make it through the week with grace. I want to walk. I want to eat right. I want to keep my composure and not lose it when I drop my kid off at school. I want to not be nervous and anxious and worried.
I plan to read my Bible more this week and lean on that rather than my food and my drinks. I plan to focus on the blessings in front of me. I do have many.
Anyway, I'm OK. I'm hanging in there, and trying to refocus myself. I'm not saying things have gone from crappy to perfect - but I'm trying to catch myself.