Despite How Crappy I Feel, I Worked Out

I cracked my Bible.
I read a Psalm.
I read a bit of Job.
I put on my sneakers.
I went to the place I hate.
I got on the treadmill.
I sweated my butt off for 30 minutes (for my body and my mind).
I went and stretched my achy arms from toning the other day.
I left.

I did it. That's all.
I think it's a non-scale victory.

:)

Working Out For Health, Not Weight Loss

I haven't been to the gym in a month. No real reason behind it, I just haven't been there.

Well, I mean, besides the fact that I HATE it. That's probably part of it. I haven't been intentionally moving, though, as much. I go on my walks - but not with the frequency that I should.

Today I went, and told myself 30 minutes. For health. I can do it.

I dropped the kids off at practice, already decked out in my tennis shoes, armed with a water bottle. I'd already tried to talk myself out of it a few times, but was determined.

I made it. Did my treadmill workout - a decent one. Not the 3 miles that I've done, but a good one where I got my heart rate up and was pouring with sweat. 40 minutes total, but 5 of that was warm-up. Then I hit triceps, biceps and a little back, stretched, and was out of there within about an hour. Not too bad.

I had to race home, hop in the shower and rush through my hair routine to get back to get the kids - and I was tired. Working out tires me out, it doesn't really energize me. But it is good for my brain, heart, eyes, mind... everything. And that's what I need to remember - even over weight loss.

I'm going to my doctor today to talk to her about my horrible PMS symptoms. I'm trying not to feel negatively about it, but I'm not very hopeful that I will get answers that will help.

My Last Post Was Almost A Month Ago

Sigh.

I suppose it is bound to happen. Stalls. Gains. Bumps, Fall-offs. Slips.

I don't know what you'd call what is happening to me, but I'd label it as something that started with a stall out at 252, and has been frustrating ever since.

It's been a month and nothing is changing. I've hovered between 252 and 254, but I don't want to hover. Hovering, at this stage in the game, will lead to eventual gaining weight. I need to continue to lose or the frustration and emotions will set in, and I'm not ready to deal with that right now.

I can think of reasons I may be stalling:

• alcohol
• lack of intentional movement
• artificial sweeteners

I can think of reasons I should be losing:

• staying within my calorie range
• more movement than normal

I guess I have to remove some of the reasons from the "why I might be stalling" category before I can rightfully complain.

So, here I go - putting myself on one of those 7-day jump starts on one of the worst weeks to be pulling reigns in.

Rarely is there a solid week that is a "good" week to do it, especially in summer. This week we have a graduation, I have my girl's night out, and Father's Day. Three "difficulty" days that could introduce alcohol and artificial sweeteners.

To be fair to myself, I will allow myself two drinks on each of those days, and allow myself artificial sweetener with the drinks. But remind me, then, that I can't start crying like a injured baby when/if the scale doesn't move next week. REMIND ME.

I also need to get to the gym, or get moving outside. I'll be honest, I haven't gone to the gym in two months. As much as it always seems to stall me out, I really don't want to stay where I am. So I've been contemplating getting back there, if only for two days a week. I'm not a big Gym Freak, and I don't think it is a necessity to lose weight, but I think there is a mentality that goes along with getting your but in the gym. It's mental.

Would two days on the treadmill kill me?

I really wanted to leave June lower than 250, and I'm not certain I can do that. But I need to, for my own brain. Please help me.

My goal for this week (and I WILL be back here to hold myself accountable):

• 2 times at the gym 
• stay within calories 6 out of 7 days no, 7 out of 7 - quit compromising, BG
• at least 5000 steps on my step tracker each day
• exercise at least three times this week
• stay off the artificial sweeteners (Atkins bars, candies, etc. - need to retrain my taste buds)

As much as it feels like I'm torturing myself, I have to remember how awesomelyFREAKINGgood it has been feeling to fit well into clothes, feel them getting looser, see my face melting. 

That

is 

better

than

sitting

around

or

aspartame

or

malitol

or

getting tipsy

or

stuffing my face

has

ever

ever

ever

felt

100 POUNDS IS RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER

Weigh In: 267 Halfway To Goal!

Well, the scale budged. Unexpectedly. Sort of not really.

I did weigh in at 267 last week, but felt like it wasn't decisive. So I didn't report it. I figure if it's there, it will happen for sure in time. Well it did today, hovering almost to 266. But that will come in time - if it's there.

Last week was pretty good, except for the horrifying events at the gym (just being at the gym is horrifying). I really don't like to work out. I like to play - volleyball, soccer, hiking - but I don't like to get on the treadmill or any other machine like that. I really don't. I mean I feel better after doing it, proud of myself, accomplished, yadda yadda. But I hate every second of it.

I have to force myself not to look at the time, calories, distance, willing them to move more quickly. It's about the only time in life where I want time to speed up, rather than slow down.

Mercy.

I'm building up to 3.1 so I can get in my first 5k. Gosh, that sounds like something that would not come out of my mouth. But, I need goals, and unless I have one I feel like a hamster on a wheel, and it drives me crazy. If I'm walking outside, I need to know my start and end route, or I'm feeling lost as well. So it just makes sense.

So far I've just shifted my 20 minute walks to 40 minutes at 3.0 mph. I also throw in a nice incline with that to get my heart rate up and burn more calories.  It is weird, but I find it easier to work hard than go fast long. I'm more of a sprinter than a long-distance runner. A pack mule that can carry heavy loads slowly, than a race horse.

This is exciting to me.

70 gone, 70 more to go to 198

I'm half way to goal! It is weird to see. In my head, my weight loss starts at about 298, because I've been there for so long. I haven't been 338 for years. But the good thing is I haven't seen that weight, and my body isn't fighting to get back there right now.

298, though, has been my normal, and was a hard one to break. I've done it a couple times now, and I'm really hoping it will be my last. I think that I'm stalling out a bit here in the 260s because I hung out there for quite some time years ago, too. My body is really fighting against me getting below it. It doesn't know what is going on.

I notice my pants aren't as loose at 267 as they were a few years ago when I hit this weight. Kind of a bummer. A reality check in how I am aging, and how much harder it is now. I'm guessing in 10 years when I'm closing in on 50 it isn't going to get any easier, so I need to do what I can now.

It almost made me sick typing that out. Closing in on 50. Dear goodness.

Anyway, I can't think on that.

So this week, my plan is to hit the treadmill/workout 3 times again and drop at least one pound to get to 266 by next week. I was hoping to get out of March under 260, but I just don't know if it is possible. I'm still working on it, but exercise makes me hungry, so I do eat more. And I'm toning, which weighs more.

We shall see. I'm happy to see one more pound melt off. 

Weigh In: I Went To The Gym

Weigh in: 268

No. Change.

As frustrating as that is, I have to let it go. On Monday it said 274. But that was with one of the leg coasters from the Wii missing, and I just couldn't tell what was going on, so I postponed posting it until today.

I will never understand why eating really good and exercising results in a stalled scale for me. I don't get it. I'm afraid to eat normally and exercise, but maybe that's what I should have done for 50 - 60 pounds. Pick one or the other, so not to discourage myself.

'Cause I admit, I'm slightly discouraged.

I stayed within my calories and exercised enough to burn 900 calories... and nothing. Crazy stuff.

Stupid scale. Stupid body.

- - - - -

On another note, I went to the gym. I got on the treadmill. I walked 2 miles at a 20 minute mile pace (40 min. total). I kicked it up to 3.1 at an incline of 1.5 for about 10 of those minutes, then alternated a bit. I was hot and felt horrible. And then some dude decided to come run on the treadmill right next to me in a near empty gym. His friends were five 'mills down the row. I was distracted, mostly wondering what was in his head that he needed to do that.

Probably nothing.

Maybe a chubby chaser.

Maybe liked the 'mills by the mirror.

I was so happy to be in the cool down of my workout, rather than just starting. It took all my strength not to move away to a different one.

Maybe I'm not a gym person.

Because secretly, I feel like I gave in to The Man when I got that membership. Just a little bit.

I know. I'm weird!

- - - - -

This sinus issue is killing me right now. I think that's what is making me drag on every day. Yesterday I tilted my head back at work and just let the stuff drain down the back of my throat. It was disgusting and liberating at the same time. But I just feel rocked right now. Tired, tired, and more tired. Makes it hard to motivate myself.

But I'm thinking of getting in at the gym again today. I don't know if I'll do the treadmill, 'cause my feetsies are a little sore. I might do the bike, or explore the 30-minute stations. We'll see.

Sore And Should vs Could

Hi. I'm sore.

I hate lunges. I'm not even sure they are good for me (and my knees), but I did all of them yesterday. A few hours later I went shopping. I felt like an old lady. People may assume that my slowness to squat was due to my fatness. No. No, it wasn't. It was due to my lunges.

I did really good yesterday staying under my calories, wasn't very hungry (despite working out, which usually makes me ravenously hungry), and actually took a walk before going to bed.

It was so NOT like me. I don't expect that to be my norm, but it is nice to have a day where I feel like the food doesn't rule me. It's weird, I was full during dinner (1/2 baked potato and 3oz. of pork). If I could have days like yesterday 90% of the time, I'd be much better off.

---

Today, though, I strayed from the norm (1 egg, 1 toast) and made an omelet (2 eggs, cheese, 1 toast). That was a "big" breakfast for me. I'm not too adventurous when it comes to breakfast time. I need to just DO and not think. Works for me.

---

Last night as I lay in bed entering my workouts and dinner into my SparkPeople, I clicked around looking at charts, reports and such. 

I have to admit some frustration looking at it. I adjusted it to "start" around September 2012, rather than three years ago (or four?) when I really started at Spark. But the orange line of progress, according to the chart, had me down at 263 for where I should be right now. That's 12 pounds lower than I actually am.

So technically I'm not on track for my 198 goal in November of 2013.

I shouldn't be frustrated with that because last year this time I was 294 pounds. Twenty more pounds than I am right now. Instead of bashing myself for where I feel like I should be, I should look at where I could be. Honestly, I feel about 50/50 with the whole thing. 

It frustrates me to spend so much time losing and gaining the same 20 - 25 pounds over three years. I'd much rather have lost the total of 60 - 75 pounds than work at re-losing the same weight over and over.

Lord, please help me change this pattern and keep on the right track.

I also need to remind myself where I started from: 338

Since leaving that arena, I've yet to go back to it. I hope, at some point, I can say that about the 270's.

I Am Dying

So about a week ago I went and purchased EA Sports Active. The first time I went to try it I realized that our nun chuck was killed and we needed another one. No biggie, I thought I could wait. Patience.

A few days later I bought a nun chuck. Still didn't try it. Not much time at home alone lately to make a sweaty fool of myself.

Until today. My kids all went off to their sports practice, and I forced myself to open the nun chuck and get down to business.

Now, you can go to Amazon and read reviews, or use google or whatever - I'm not giving you all that. I'm just telling you that, though right now I'm in hate with this Sports Active thing, I do happen to feel like I'm dying. AKA I had a decent workout. I can't complain that it didn't work me (I'm doing the 30-day challenge), and I did the "low impact" version to start.

What I will complain about, however, is the leg strap:

See that thing that fits around her tiny upper thigh? Well try hooking that bad boy up to a tree trunk, and you have a problem. Even on a skinny thigh, I'm not sure how people keep it from slipping down while they are running?!

I put it in my pocket, and that almost resulted in murder. Me doing lunges, it not registering, and the dude telling me to step it up. I was cursing at my television. Something I don't do often. I finally managed to cut off all blood supply to my leg and strapped on above my knee, but it kept slipping off. I was sweating, smelling, glasses falling off my face, and the leg strap slipping sent me into near uncontrolled rage.

I finished, though. And I don't think I do well with these "game" workouts. This is my third one and I've wanted to kill all of them, really.

I'm going to try to see it through because I tend to make excuses when the going gets tough. Fault of mine. Besides, like I said, I did get a decent workout, anger and all, and I HAVE to break this 270 barrier.